Grace

The Ragamuffin Gospel:
¨Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life...It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: Ýou are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted.´If that happens to us, we experience grace.¨p.28-29

Ït is mercy I desire and not sacrifice. I have come not to call the self-righteoous but sinners. ¨ Matthew 9:13

¨My grace is enough for you: my power is at its best in weakness.¨2 Cor 12:9

I am so surprised that God does not literally reach down from Heaven and swat my hands away. What little faith I have. God is trying to do great things in my life, in my heart, and in the heart and lives of ones I love, but I am like a little kid reaching up to try to help but all I do is get in the way of the hands of my Creator. God has given me this great opportunity to learn and grow, to serve and love, but all I can think about is how I will work things out once I get back to the states.
¨This job will work out when I.........¨
¨This relationship will work out if I....¨
Ï will be happier when I.....¨
Rather than sitting in silence, in contentment, my mind races. It´s always all about me. And I am tired of living that way. ¨Katie, My grace is sufficent.¨

He knows the desires of my heart. But He will not bestoy those desires until all my heart desires is Him. I´ve wasted so much time worrying and working for the next big thing. This summer, I tormented myself and my loved ones with my discontent over what I should do next. Even here in Guatemala, with this awesome experience before me, I can´t help but think forward to what I want to do next. But the only thing I should want for is the faith that just in today, I will live just. ¨Katie, My grace is sufficent. ¨

What pride I have....what a feeling of deserving. In reality, the cost for what I deserve has been paid. This grace.

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You may just be wanting to hear what is actually going on here in Guatemala. So, I will get out of contemplative mode for a moment, if you want to hear some lightening stories.

Ok, so last time I came to Guatemala, I must have been a lot tougher or something, because the adventure of eating unknown forms of meat or bathing out of a bucket just doesn´t have the same appeal for me as it did 3 years ago! You know, I thought I was an outdoorsy type of person but the idea of sitting in air conditioning and watching a movie looks wonderful right now. So, as I have been prideful about feeling like I was better or more adventurous for wanting to be outside, I ask for forgiveness, please.
The houses here are build right on top of each other, all open to air so you can hear anything and everything. Last night I finally slept some because I asked one of the sisters to sleep in the room with me. I have been so scared at night. Some kind of animal has been eating the trash outside my window at night, and it takes everything in me to imagine its just some little cat rather than some wild, ravenous dog. Then, the night before last night, my flashlight broke in the middle of the night (which I turn on about 5 times a night) and I don´t think I have ever been more afraid...turns out it was just a giant cockroach, big enough to make noises as it scurried along the ground! So, if in a foreign country, always sleep with 2 flashlights beside your bed!
I haven´t had a shower since last Monday. I don´t really know why, but the family´s shower is broken so I have been bathing out of a 5 gallon bucket! I´ve gotten really good at using only half the bucket......surprisingly, I haven´t noticed myself smelling. But, that may be a different case if one of you smelled me right now.
Oh, and never tell a host family you like a certain drink just to be nice if you don´t really like it. I have been having to drink mushed up corn juice every meal for the last week because the first night I said it was so good. Mistake!
But, besides those laughable things, my time with this family is going great. I stand corrected about the number of children they have. I finally got it squared away. I kept meeting new sisters in the house that seemed to just come out of the woodwork.....there are 7 sisters and 1 little brother in all. They are so very sweet. The grandma never stops smiling, but poor thing, I can´t understand a word she says! So, we just knod and smile at eachother and wash dishes together every night.
The clinic is going great too. The big thing this week was our day of pre-op appointments for more than 150 patients that are coming for the Gen-surgical and OBGYN-surgical week in September. I helped work the admission table where we took lab results, identification, and consent for treatment. It was really funny because the people would wait in line for one of three spots at the table to register, and I couldn´t tell if they people were excited or disappointed when they saw they came to my line because all I could hear was, Äh la gringa.¨
But, we saw all the patients by 4pm, and it was a very fullfilling day. My ´charge nurse,´Rosario, makes my assignments at the clinic, and she has made a great plan for my weeks at the clinic. One week, we are going into local schools to do teachings on hygiene for the kids. Every morning, we have a little devo time (the 5 of us ladies at the clinic), and I was nominated to lead it on Mondays, so we will see how my spanish does! Rosario asked me come with her to her house one weekend to spend time with her sister´s family and kids, so that should be a fun change. Later today, I am going to have a little party with my old family, the Mejicanos. Two of the daughters are pregnant (one of which, Karla, is who I got really close to last time) so I bought two baby shower gifts so I wouldn´t show up empty handed. I bought 2 packets of diapers, 2 bottles, and 2 baby hats which came out to 100Q which is about $15. That´s pretty expensive for stuff here because it was imported. If you buy stuff locally, its only about 1Q (1/8 of a dollar) for like 3 loaves of bread. Its 8Q or $1 for an hour and a half of computer time here at the internet cafe close to the house. Just a little comparison shopping if anyone is interested. I guess that´s all for now. How about you guys start a blog so I can read about you?