Thursday, December 31, 2009
End of 2009
Since it's the last day of 2009, I guess I should reminisce about the year to past. What a change from this time last year. For many reasons I am very sad that so much has changed since a year ago, but in the end, everything happens for a reason. Every change, transition, march forward, u-turn, every end, every new beginning happens for a reason. We can't expect that reason to be explained or contained within the confines of a calendar year. All we can do is fill our hearts with His joy and seek to love Him more everyday. Time keeps on turning, life keeps on moving, and in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Repeat.
I'm having a great time here in Florida with my family. The drive down was really long.....usually I come with my sisters and mom, so not being able to sleep for a portion of it really showed me how long 9 hours in the car is! But, it was a really good time to sit and think. I even got to talk to an old friend, Haley, which was great.
It is wonderful to be here with my Aunt Mary, Uncle Ken, and cousins Joey, Chrissy, and Amy. It's hard not having a job right now, but I'm trying to just savor this time of a little more freedom to travel and see loved ones.
I'm just trying to get my head on straight. Pray, have faith, pray, have faith. repeat.
It is wonderful to be here with my Aunt Mary, Uncle Ken, and cousins Joey, Chrissy, and Amy. It's hard not having a job right now, but I'm trying to just savor this time of a little more freedom to travel and see loved ones.
I'm just trying to get my head on straight. Pray, have faith, pray, have faith. repeat.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
l.i.f.e.
Day 7 Devotional Card: Quotes on Life
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it. -unknown author
Life is simple, it's just not easy. -unknown author
Life is what we make of it, always has been, always will be. -Grandma Moses
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is real food, and my blood remains in me, and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. -John 6 :53-57
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it. -unknown author
Life is simple, it's just not easy. -unknown author
Life is what we make of it, always has been, always will be. -Grandma Moses
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is real food, and my blood remains in me, and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. -John 6 :53-57
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Rambling
I'm pretty sure by this point, no one reads this. I'm kind of glad about it because I've come to find that I am the type of person who processes and expresses herself in written word better than anything else. And I have so much going through my head right now that I just have to write. I can write letter after letter on my desktop, but sometimes you just need the release of actually putting something outside of yourself for someone else to read.
My Aunt Susie calls this time an era of "repositioning" for me. She says that God is repositioning me right now so that years down the road I am not way off course. She described it as an airplane. Pilots plot and calculate their courses in degrees. When you start on your journey, being off by a few degrees doesn't seem like such a big deal, but hundreds of miles through the air, those 2 or 3 degrees can make a continent of difference. But when did I get so off course?
Looking back and through talking to a wise friend, I realize that I have gotten by listening to my 12 year old self for this long, but that self doesn't apply anymore. Due to family issues and self esteem issues, I taught myself to be the best because then things would work out. If I perfected my little world, I wouldn't be affected by my parents fighting or the loneliness from being so shy. I could fill my life with things I was good at and make people around me proud, and then I would be important to myself. I could please people and make people think I was perfect and had everything together, and then I would be good enough myself. But that doesn't work anymore for me. I worked and worked through nursing school to reach this pinnacle of a college degree because then "I could do what I wanted." I got done with college and it made others proud that I had an RN degree. Then I did my contract at Vanderbilt, and I finished it because I have pride and wanted to finish what I started. Then I moved back to Knoxville and realized I had no earthly idea what I wanted to do. I poked and prodded at everything around me, searching for the meaning to my unhappiness. I blamed everything but myself. And the crazy thing was that all the while through all of this, I thought that since I always tried to do the "right" thing, that God was just holding onto some reward for me this whole time. Some great gift waiting for me for being a "martyr" doing all this nursing that I did not enjoy, keeping myself from certain acts, and wanting to be a medical missionary. But that's not how it works. Life is not glamorous or extraordinary everyday. Heck, half the time I don't even feel like getting out of bed because my life, my day feels so empty. But these feelings can only be blamed on myself. I built up life to be this great thing that happens when.....(fill in the blank). When really, life is what's right now. Its not driving through some remote village in Central America everyday. Its not looking over the great abyss of the Grand Cannon everyday. Its getting up and being present with the people around you and loving them and doing things that make you, you. But I nit picked at the person around me. I pushed and built up walls. And now I feel like I'm in a walled up room very alone most of the time. The problem is though, that I will not be satisfied with anyone until I am satisfied with myself. Until I can learn just to be happy and present in this day, with the work the Lord has put in front of me, I cannot be happy with anyone. How did I get this far off course? This desert time feels so dry. Every few days, I get a little more water, I get a little green pasture, and those days are getting closer together, but continuing to walk this road is a constant struggle. I constantly have to push Satan out of my mind- he is so good at whispering lies about self doubt, insufficency, self loathing. I constantly have to strong guard my heart and mind, fill it with the things of Him. Slowly things will get better. But in the meantime, I try to fill my days with things. With work when I can get it, with church, with friends, with hobbies and aspirations. But the worst part is at the end of the day when I lay my head down and then in the morning when I have to will myself to get up and keep trying. But I guess that's all I can do, keep trying. Keep hoping. Keep praying.
My Aunt Susie calls this time an era of "repositioning" for me. She says that God is repositioning me right now so that years down the road I am not way off course. She described it as an airplane. Pilots plot and calculate their courses in degrees. When you start on your journey, being off by a few degrees doesn't seem like such a big deal, but hundreds of miles through the air, those 2 or 3 degrees can make a continent of difference. But when did I get so off course?
Looking back and through talking to a wise friend, I realize that I have gotten by listening to my 12 year old self for this long, but that self doesn't apply anymore. Due to family issues and self esteem issues, I taught myself to be the best because then things would work out. If I perfected my little world, I wouldn't be affected by my parents fighting or the loneliness from being so shy. I could fill my life with things I was good at and make people around me proud, and then I would be important to myself. I could please people and make people think I was perfect and had everything together, and then I would be good enough myself. But that doesn't work anymore for me. I worked and worked through nursing school to reach this pinnacle of a college degree because then "I could do what I wanted." I got done with college and it made others proud that I had an RN degree. Then I did my contract at Vanderbilt, and I finished it because I have pride and wanted to finish what I started. Then I moved back to Knoxville and realized I had no earthly idea what I wanted to do. I poked and prodded at everything around me, searching for the meaning to my unhappiness. I blamed everything but myself. And the crazy thing was that all the while through all of this, I thought that since I always tried to do the "right" thing, that God was just holding onto some reward for me this whole time. Some great gift waiting for me for being a "martyr" doing all this nursing that I did not enjoy, keeping myself from certain acts, and wanting to be a medical missionary. But that's not how it works. Life is not glamorous or extraordinary everyday. Heck, half the time I don't even feel like getting out of bed because my life, my day feels so empty. But these feelings can only be blamed on myself. I built up life to be this great thing that happens when.....(fill in the blank). When really, life is what's right now. Its not driving through some remote village in Central America everyday. Its not looking over the great abyss of the Grand Cannon everyday. Its getting up and being present with the people around you and loving them and doing things that make you, you. But I nit picked at the person around me. I pushed and built up walls. And now I feel like I'm in a walled up room very alone most of the time. The problem is though, that I will not be satisfied with anyone until I am satisfied with myself. Until I can learn just to be happy and present in this day, with the work the Lord has put in front of me, I cannot be happy with anyone. How did I get this far off course? This desert time feels so dry. Every few days, I get a little more water, I get a little green pasture, and those days are getting closer together, but continuing to walk this road is a constant struggle. I constantly have to push Satan out of my mind- he is so good at whispering lies about self doubt, insufficency, self loathing. I constantly have to strong guard my heart and mind, fill it with the things of Him. Slowly things will get better. But in the meantime, I try to fill my days with things. With work when I can get it, with church, with friends, with hobbies and aspirations. But the worst part is at the end of the day when I lay my head down and then in the morning when I have to will myself to get up and keep trying. But I guess that's all I can do, keep trying. Keep hoping. Keep praying.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Growing up
Since being back from Guatemala, I have had a lot of time to think and wonder and examine. I've been examining my life, the lives of others, decisions I have made, decisions others have made. I've looked at ways my heart has been broken, ways I have broken other peoples' hearts. Although the fog is starting to clear, I don't think I will ever fully understand what and why things have happened because that is not mine to know. I can learn from experiences and grow, but fully understanding why everything happens is not conceivable to my brain. The "what ifs" are too convaluted and the "how comes" are too numerous.
Despite the time I spend looking back and wondering, I keep getting pushed forward, time keeps moving on. Life happens, people get hurt, but joy also happens and people find happiness. And happiness cannot be found in the extraordinary, in the unusual, in that one momentous occassion. Happiness is found in rising out of bed to meet a new day.... In a conversation with an old friend, waving to your neighbor, feeling the breeze and seeing the leaves blow, walking your dog, playing cards with your family, putting a bandaid on a wound, drying someone else's tears.
Happiness is loving the life that the Good Lord places before you but knowing you can be more because of Him. Happiness is living in this moment, being present right here right now, and having faith that everything will turn out okay.
Here are some quotes from people that can say it better than I can:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
Despite the time I spend looking back and wondering, I keep getting pushed forward, time keeps moving on. Life happens, people get hurt, but joy also happens and people find happiness. And happiness cannot be found in the extraordinary, in the unusual, in that one momentous occassion. Happiness is found in rising out of bed to meet a new day.... In a conversation with an old friend, waving to your neighbor, feeling the breeze and seeing the leaves blow, walking your dog, playing cards with your family, putting a bandaid on a wound, drying someone else's tears.
Happiness is loving the life that the Good Lord places before you but knowing you can be more because of Him. Happiness is living in this moment, being present right here right now, and having faith that everything will turn out okay.
Here are some quotes from people that can say it better than I can:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” -Winston Churchill
Monday, October 12, 2009
Down to the last week
Well I can't believe it. I only have 4 more days here in Chicacao (the village where I have been living). I am going to Guatemala City on Friday night to catch my flight out on Saturday morning. What a bitter sweet thing. I am excited to see my family and friends at home (and get a warm shower and be in air conditioning), but I am also sad to leave my family and friends here. Clinica Ezell is the best work environment I have ever had, and I am sad to leave the other nurses, staff, and doctors. I feel like I really fit in with this crew and played a crucial role (especially when the Surgical teams came through). I think it helped the Guatemalan staff to have me here as a kind of liason between them and the new North American nurses because I could communicate to both and understood how things should flow. I was blessed by the honor of turning into the charge nurse on multiple shifts as many of the North Americans came to me with questions....and they weren't new nurses either, but ones with many more years in nursing than me. It was quite an honor.
We ended up doing 63 surgeries, and I think so far all the patients left with good outcomes. One little boy, Douglas, was in for a circumcision....bad thing to happen to a 9 year old. He was beside himself at first, but we got him calmed down, and I even had time to play some Uno with him and give him some lovely stick on tattoos. The other patient who stood out to me was a sweet grandma who had a hernia fixed. She started crying and blessing me as I helped her sit up and take a tylenol. She was just tearing up saying how caring the nurses and doctors are at the clinic. It was one of those moments where you know that your life and the life of a stranger are intertwined so closely for a brief moment in time that it feels like all other time stands still.
The other Americans all left last Saturday to go home after a fun 24hr in Antigua. (I got a pedicure, went swimming, and picked up a few more souvenirs.) Once I got back to Chicacao, I was so exhausted I took 2 naps on Saturday and Sunday! The family was so sweet when I got back. The dad, Jose, wasn't home when I got in, but he woke me up from my nap just to give me a hug, kiss, and a chocolate cupcake. I got up with the family on Sunday morning at 5:00am to sell bread and ended up making the chocolate cupcakes that the dad always gives me. Then, I carried a big basket of bread on my head with one of the sisters to the tienda to sell. After, I went with them to the market to buy our food for a few days. I really cherish that time with them.
So, today I went on a mobile clinic with Doctor Walter and helped in the lab/pharmacy area. I'm not sure what I will be doing the rest of the week, but I think the families have some little parties planned for me that I'm not supposed to know about. :)
Other crazy stories from Guatemala:
-So a mouse lives in the bookshelf right next to the head of my bed. Just to recap, I have few little geckos who live in my room, the occassional roach who I usually kick out, and a mouse. I kept hearing something when I was sleeping the other night so I turned on my flashlight to find myself nose to nose with a little blonde mouse. She scurried away, and I went back to sleep.....I've learned just to let things go!
-The other happening was that last night, the power went out in all of the village. And when the power goes out in the only little village in the area, it gets dark, really dark. But it was a fun bonding experience as me and all the other squealing sisters tried to find our way home from church over the cobble stone road with the just the light from our cell phones!
A 4yr old boy successfully french kissed me on Sunday too. Now, just to make it clear, this was unwanted on my part! Some random family member was at the house with her son, and he was like a magnet to my face. I kept pushing him away and the kid was like a spider monkey to my face everytime I sat down or layed down. So, I ended up standing up, dodging a 4yr old all day Sunday.
We ended up doing 63 surgeries, and I think so far all the patients left with good outcomes. One little boy, Douglas, was in for a circumcision....bad thing to happen to a 9 year old. He was beside himself at first, but we got him calmed down, and I even had time to play some Uno with him and give him some lovely stick on tattoos. The other patient who stood out to me was a sweet grandma who had a hernia fixed. She started crying and blessing me as I helped her sit up and take a tylenol. She was just tearing up saying how caring the nurses and doctors are at the clinic. It was one of those moments where you know that your life and the life of a stranger are intertwined so closely for a brief moment in time that it feels like all other time stands still.
The other Americans all left last Saturday to go home after a fun 24hr in Antigua. (I got a pedicure, went swimming, and picked up a few more souvenirs.) Once I got back to Chicacao, I was so exhausted I took 2 naps on Saturday and Sunday! The family was so sweet when I got back. The dad, Jose, wasn't home when I got in, but he woke me up from my nap just to give me a hug, kiss, and a chocolate cupcake. I got up with the family on Sunday morning at 5:00am to sell bread and ended up making the chocolate cupcakes that the dad always gives me. Then, I carried a big basket of bread on my head with one of the sisters to the tienda to sell. After, I went with them to the market to buy our food for a few days. I really cherish that time with them.
So, today I went on a mobile clinic with Doctor Walter and helped in the lab/pharmacy area. I'm not sure what I will be doing the rest of the week, but I think the families have some little parties planned for me that I'm not supposed to know about. :)
Other crazy stories from Guatemala:
-So a mouse lives in the bookshelf right next to the head of my bed. Just to recap, I have few little geckos who live in my room, the occassional roach who I usually kick out, and a mouse. I kept hearing something when I was sleeping the other night so I turned on my flashlight to find myself nose to nose with a little blonde mouse. She scurried away, and I went back to sleep.....I've learned just to let things go!
-The other happening was that last night, the power went out in all of the village. And when the power goes out in the only little village in the area, it gets dark, really dark. But it was a fun bonding experience as me and all the other squealing sisters tried to find our way home from church over the cobble stone road with the just the light from our cell phones!
A 4yr old boy successfully french kissed me on Sunday too. Now, just to make it clear, this was unwanted on my part! Some random family member was at the house with her son, and he was like a magnet to my face. I kept pushing him away and the kid was like a spider monkey to my face everytime I sat down or layed down. So, I ended up standing up, dodging a 4yr old all day Sunday.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Mooo
Well, we are in day 2 of surgeries for this week, and so far so good! This group is a lot different than the last surgical group that came in, but I guess every group takes on its own personality because of the people that come. I think for the last trip, the majority of the doctors/nurses were middle-aged to twenty year olds, but now I'm pretty sure I am the youngest nurse here. We have 3 teenagers who came with their moms, but other than that there are 4 other 20-somethings out of the 50 people that came and the rest are grandparents. My roommate is a grandma to 5, sweet as can be, and just so nervous about all this new stuff in Guatemala. So very cute. I am thankful she brought her Breathe Right Strips.
The patients are mostly GYN and hernia patients like last time. We did have a thyroid removal last night and will probably have a couple gall-bladder removals too. I have a sweet patient named Lilly who was just enthrawled when I told her that her name is an Easter Flower. I felt so special that she remembered my name.....even if it was when she was yelling for me to tell me she was about to throw up everywhere. Poor thing! She is feeling much better today, and was so proud to tell me that she got up and walked this morning with the morning nurses. I am working mostly the 3p-11p shift again. They had to divide out the spanish speaking nurses, so I'm the one for this shift- what a compliment! Talk about pain, nausea, and needing to pee, and I'm your go to girl, but talk about a whole lot beyond that and I need help! I think that when I get home I'm going to need to buy Rosetta stone or something so that when I come back again I'll get all the rules and vocabulary down that I'm lacking.
Now for some Guatemalan stories? Ok, so on Friday night, we ate these things called like Chervichis. I'm not really spell them. But basically, its like a gumbo made of onions, various sauces, cilantro, tomato, and shrimp. But, the meat can be substituted for other things if you like. Well, at church on Friday night (remember they go to church every night....) we had a special service, more community oriented and had Chervichis afterwards. But.....Mario, one of the my friend here who speaks english, started laughing when he heard what it was made with. So, finally he told me it was made of cow stomach! I'm not even kidding. I ate like 3/4 of it, but then I saw the little boy from my house eating only the stomach out of it, I thought I would be generous and donate my meat to him! It was so weird people. It was like meshy and you could see like the acid pumps as like these tentacle parts.
On Saturday, I got to go to Mazate (the "big" city near my village) for the day via public transport. It was really fun. We went to the mall and ate Pizza Hut. Mmmm. On the way there, we rode in like a 15 passanger bus where we each had our own seat. But....on the way back to Chicacao, we had to pack into what they call the "chicken bus" which is an old american school bus. We had to sit 3 to a seat with the aisle packed too. It was like playing twister in a bus! I am pretty sure I had someone's hand on my butt, my shoulder in someone's back, a foot in my face, and some random child trying to breast feed off me. Ok, I made up the breast feeding part, but that would have made the experience complete. It was a fun ride back....you can't say you have fully experienced Guatemala until you ride the chicken bus.
The other big happening was that I got into an ant pile yesterday. I should have known better. After church, I stepped into the grass to talk to somebody and all of a sudden had an incredible burning pain in my feet. I looked down and was covered! After running like a mad woman (in a skirt) across the grass, it took 3 doctors to help me get the ants off my feet. But, thankfully, I got back and coated my feet in benadryl cream, and I can't even feel the itch anymore. I'm glad it happened to me instead of one of the new comers because I blame myself....I know better than to get in the grass here. Don't drink the water, don't get in the grass, and don't eat cow stomach.
But all is well here. I'm going to go back to my room and rest before lunch so that I'm ready for my shift in a bit. Hope everyone is doing well. Be home in less than 2 weeks now.
The patients are mostly GYN and hernia patients like last time. We did have a thyroid removal last night and will probably have a couple gall-bladder removals too. I have a sweet patient named Lilly who was just enthrawled when I told her that her name is an Easter Flower. I felt so special that she remembered my name.....even if it was when she was yelling for me to tell me she was about to throw up everywhere. Poor thing! She is feeling much better today, and was so proud to tell me that she got up and walked this morning with the morning nurses. I am working mostly the 3p-11p shift again. They had to divide out the spanish speaking nurses, so I'm the one for this shift- what a compliment! Talk about pain, nausea, and needing to pee, and I'm your go to girl, but talk about a whole lot beyond that and I need help! I think that when I get home I'm going to need to buy Rosetta stone or something so that when I come back again I'll get all the rules and vocabulary down that I'm lacking.
Now for some Guatemalan stories? Ok, so on Friday night, we ate these things called like Chervichis. I'm not really spell them. But basically, its like a gumbo made of onions, various sauces, cilantro, tomato, and shrimp. But, the meat can be substituted for other things if you like. Well, at church on Friday night (remember they go to church every night....) we had a special service, more community oriented and had Chervichis afterwards. But.....Mario, one of the my friend here who speaks english, started laughing when he heard what it was made with. So, finally he told me it was made of cow stomach! I'm not even kidding. I ate like 3/4 of it, but then I saw the little boy from my house eating only the stomach out of it, I thought I would be generous and donate my meat to him! It was so weird people. It was like meshy and you could see like the acid pumps as like these tentacle parts.
On Saturday, I got to go to Mazate (the "big" city near my village) for the day via public transport. It was really fun. We went to the mall and ate Pizza Hut. Mmmm. On the way there, we rode in like a 15 passanger bus where we each had our own seat. But....on the way back to Chicacao, we had to pack into what they call the "chicken bus" which is an old american school bus. We had to sit 3 to a seat with the aisle packed too. It was like playing twister in a bus! I am pretty sure I had someone's hand on my butt, my shoulder in someone's back, a foot in my face, and some random child trying to breast feed off me. Ok, I made up the breast feeding part, but that would have made the experience complete. It was a fun ride back....you can't say you have fully experienced Guatemala until you ride the chicken bus.
The other big happening was that I got into an ant pile yesterday. I should have known better. After church, I stepped into the grass to talk to somebody and all of a sudden had an incredible burning pain in my feet. I looked down and was covered! After running like a mad woman (in a skirt) across the grass, it took 3 doctors to help me get the ants off my feet. But, thankfully, I got back and coated my feet in benadryl cream, and I can't even feel the itch anymore. I'm glad it happened to me instead of one of the new comers because I blame myself....I know better than to get in the grass here. Don't drink the water, don't get in the grass, and don't eat cow stomach.
But all is well here. I'm going to go back to my room and rest before lunch so that I'm ready for my shift in a bit. Hope everyone is doing well. Be home in less than 2 weeks now.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Surgical Brigade #2
A real quick update......
We are busy cleaning and preparing the clinic still. The new group gets here on Saturday, so its very close! It is supposively a huge group (and mom said she thinks some people are coming from my home church). I'm not sure yet if I will be staying up at the clinic during the week or with my family in Chicacao, but I will let you all know.
I've been helping Kata clean and sanitize everything. She laughed a little too hard when I told her about how I used to dust (and still do dust) my room at home.....mom can atest to how I just cleaned "around" things and left a carpet of dust showing where things had been placed for the 6 months before. I think she laughed so hard because she doesn't quite approve of my cleaning techniques here at the clinic. Haha, cleaning has never been one of my strengths!
I'm really enjoying the friendships I am making here, and I will be very sad to say goodbye to them. I think I have more close friends in Guatemala now than I do back in Knoxville. But, all in due time. Hope you all are well. Will write more soon when I have more stories to tell.
We are busy cleaning and preparing the clinic still. The new group gets here on Saturday, so its very close! It is supposively a huge group (and mom said she thinks some people are coming from my home church). I'm not sure yet if I will be staying up at the clinic during the week or with my family in Chicacao, but I will let you all know.
I've been helping Kata clean and sanitize everything. She laughed a little too hard when I told her about how I used to dust (and still do dust) my room at home.....mom can atest to how I just cleaned "around" things and left a carpet of dust showing where things had been placed for the 6 months before. I think she laughed so hard because she doesn't quite approve of my cleaning techniques here at the clinic. Haha, cleaning has never been one of my strengths!
I'm really enjoying the friendships I am making here, and I will be very sad to say goodbye to them. I think I have more close friends in Guatemala now than I do back in Knoxville. But, all in due time. Hope you all are well. Will write more soon when I have more stories to tell.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Spaghetti
Well, Saturday's cooking experience turned out well. The tables were definitely turned for us as usually I am the one with apprehension and confusion over the plate that is placed before me. I ended up making homemade spaghetti sauce, and it was really good....at least I thought so! The sister who is 24, Silvia, wanted to watch me make it, and everything little thing I did, she asked me why or how or for what I did everything...and I had to keep telling her that this is a mystery for me too. It took about 4 hours in total to make because it was over a wood buring grill type area. For their spaghetti sauce, they usually just purie tomatoes to a pulp and strain them so its basically like thin ketchup. But, I like my tomato sauce a little chunky. Silvia was so worried about me not blending the tomatoes all the way, and I had to keep reminding her that its still good, just different than she is used to. But, every last drop got eaten....either because they really liked it or I didn't plan enough for the 12 people that ate. The dad who has been to the states told me it is "Bery Goood." And the grandpa said it was "Utz" which is Quiche for good....and the little boy gave me a big smile and thumbs up as he slurped down his noodles. Funniest part though was that they insisted on making tortillas. I tried so hard to make them a Hitzing family meal, but they just can't get away from eating tortillas with every meal! But I figured out partly why they eat so many tortillas.....it reduces your diarrhea. Now, who is ready for lunch?
Sunday I taught the kids sunday school class with the personal hygiene posters I made. They all listened very well and participated greatly! Silvia helped after I would say something just to make sure they understood what I said, but they were a great class.
This week we are cleaning the operating room, setting up the recovery area, and Wednesday I am in charge of doing the papsmears again. yuck. Can I call in sick?
So I think the family and I have gotten very comfortable with each other......last night the straw broke this camel's back. So, one of the daughters sleeps in the room with me. Her name is Doris, she is 19, and has a very on-again-off-again boyfriend. Last night, she decided to talk on the phone to him for at least an hour in the room while I was trying to go to sleep. First with the light on, so I tried my eye cover...that didn't help. Then with the light off, so I tried my ear plugs....that didn't help. Then I tried to imagine she was just a television show I couldn't understand, but I still couldn't fall asleep. So, as Ali can attest, I finally snapped, and as politely as I could, I asked her if she could not talk to him during the day. At which point she said fine, and proceeded to whisper/mumble for another 30 minutes. This morning things were fine, but I take forgranted the pleasure of sleeping in a room where no one turns on the light or talks on the phone in the middle of the night.
Here is my devotional from yesterday, just thought I would share:
God Knows What He's Doing
"Surely I spoke of things I did not understand; I talked of things too wonderful for me to know." -Job 42:3
It's easy to thank God when he does what we want. But God doesn't always do what we want. Ask Job.
His empire collapsed, he children were killed, and what was a healthy body became a rage of boils. From whence came this torment? From whence will come any help?
Job goes straint to God and pleads his case. His head hurts. His body hurts. His heart hurts.
And God answers. Not with answers but with questions. An ocean of questions.....
After sever dozen questions....Job has gotten the point. What is it?
This point is this: God owes no one anything. No reasons. No explainations. Nothing. If he gave them, we couldn't understand them.
God is God. He knows what he is doing. When you can't trace his hand, trust his heart.
Sunday I taught the kids sunday school class with the personal hygiene posters I made. They all listened very well and participated greatly! Silvia helped after I would say something just to make sure they understood what I said, but they were a great class.
This week we are cleaning the operating room, setting up the recovery area, and Wednesday I am in charge of doing the papsmears again. yuck. Can I call in sick?
So I think the family and I have gotten very comfortable with each other......last night the straw broke this camel's back. So, one of the daughters sleeps in the room with me. Her name is Doris, she is 19, and has a very on-again-off-again boyfriend. Last night, she decided to talk on the phone to him for at least an hour in the room while I was trying to go to sleep. First with the light on, so I tried my eye cover...that didn't help. Then with the light off, so I tried my ear plugs....that didn't help. Then I tried to imagine she was just a television show I couldn't understand, but I still couldn't fall asleep. So, as Ali can attest, I finally snapped, and as politely as I could, I asked her if she could not talk to him during the day. At which point she said fine, and proceeded to whisper/mumble for another 30 minutes. This morning things were fine, but I take forgranted the pleasure of sleeping in a room where no one turns on the light or talks on the phone in the middle of the night.
Here is my devotional from yesterday, just thought I would share:
God Knows What He's Doing
"Surely I spoke of things I did not understand; I talked of things too wonderful for me to know." -Job 42:3
It's easy to thank God when he does what we want. But God doesn't always do what we want. Ask Job.
His empire collapsed, he children were killed, and what was a healthy body became a rage of boils. From whence came this torment? From whence will come any help?
Job goes straint to God and pleads his case. His head hurts. His body hurts. His heart hurts.
And God answers. Not with answers but with questions. An ocean of questions.....
After sever dozen questions....Job has gotten the point. What is it?
This point is this: God owes no one anything. No reasons. No explainations. Nothing. If he gave them, we couldn't understand them.
God is God. He knows what he is doing. When you can't trace his hand, trust his heart.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Donations for the Grandparent's Home
I finally got the information for the Grandparent's Home if anyone is interested in donating. The other nurses are taking what we have so far to them this Saturday (which isn't much....a few pounds of rice, beans, sugar, and a little cash), but we will definitely find a way if anyone else wants to donate....ask your church, coworkers, and family if you think of it.
Address: Cabecitas de Algodon #1
Santa Lucia Sur #18
Antigua, Guatemala
For donations, the newspaper says that deposits can be made to the bank, G&T Continental: account number 00 00 144063 Associacion Cabecitas de Algodon.
I'm not really sure how you would make international donations, but I can figure something out if anyone is interested.
The organization started on Dec 16, 2002, and currently has 38 grandparents living there. The newspaper article has pictures and testimonies of many of the residents. One of the residents was dropped off at the shelter by family members and told they would come back for them...3 yrs ago. And others were told that they were burdens to the family since they could no longer work, and they didn't want to care for them anymore. It also shows a picture of the women who run the shelter....and they have not received a paycheck since April because of the financial trouble. There are many ways that people need help here in Guatemala as well as even in your own hometown. And although we can't help every single person, we can make a differnece in at least one life....remember the starfish story?
Any help would be so appreciated.
And also, I have had a few questions about how the school teaching went. Well, in true Guatemalan style.....classes were cancelled this week, and Rosario and I didn't get told until we arrived there in the morning to teach. So no little kids pointing and laughing at me. Oh well! In the meantime, I'm going to teach the lesson at Sunday School this week and use my drawings there. We are going to try to go back to the school in my last week here (in 3 weeks).
That's about all for now. The weekend is here....and that seems to be the hardest part of being here because there is a whole lot more downtime to just sit and think. I'm going to try to stay busy this weekend- I told the family I would make them spaghetti (good old Hitzing style) for lunch/dinner on Saturday, so I will get to have some fun exploring the huge open air supermarket (with supervision of course......). The markets are fun- a little overwhelming because its tons of people smooshed in a little block with raw meat hanging from hooks everywhere, but still fun to see.
And great news...the lights didn't get turned on in the middle of the night lastnight. I was all prepared with my Paris Hilton eye cover and industrial strength earplugs in place, but I didn't even need them! And apparently, the general consensus is that Chinese men also blatantly pick their noses in public.
Address: Cabecitas de Algodon #1
Santa Lucia Sur #18
Antigua, Guatemala
For donations, the newspaper says that deposits can be made to the bank, G&T Continental: account number 00 00 144063 Associacion Cabecitas de Algodon.
I'm not really sure how you would make international donations, but I can figure something out if anyone is interested.
The organization started on Dec 16, 2002, and currently has 38 grandparents living there. The newspaper article has pictures and testimonies of many of the residents. One of the residents was dropped off at the shelter by family members and told they would come back for them...3 yrs ago. And others were told that they were burdens to the family since they could no longer work, and they didn't want to care for them anymore. It also shows a picture of the women who run the shelter....and they have not received a paycheck since April because of the financial trouble. There are many ways that people need help here in Guatemala as well as even in your own hometown. And although we can't help every single person, we can make a differnece in at least one life....remember the starfish story?
Any help would be so appreciated.
And also, I have had a few questions about how the school teaching went. Well, in true Guatemalan style.....classes were cancelled this week, and Rosario and I didn't get told until we arrived there in the morning to teach. So no little kids pointing and laughing at me. Oh well! In the meantime, I'm going to teach the lesson at Sunday School this week and use my drawings there. We are going to try to go back to the school in my last week here (in 3 weeks).
That's about all for now. The weekend is here....and that seems to be the hardest part of being here because there is a whole lot more downtime to just sit and think. I'm going to try to stay busy this weekend- I told the family I would make them spaghetti (good old Hitzing style) for lunch/dinner on Saturday, so I will get to have some fun exploring the huge open air supermarket (with supervision of course......). The markets are fun- a little overwhelming because its tons of people smooshed in a little block with raw meat hanging from hooks everywhere, but still fun to see.
And great news...the lights didn't get turned on in the middle of the night lastnight. I was all prepared with my Paris Hilton eye cover and industrial strength earplugs in place, but I didn't even need them! And apparently, the general consensus is that Chinese men also blatantly pick their noses in public.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Picking your nose and turning on the light
Ok, I have to start by venting....because there is no one here right now not of the hispanic culture to vent to.
So, when you go to a different country, or even on a trip to a different part of the U.S., you go with the anticipation of there being cultural differences. You know that there will be cultural differences, and that is part of the adventure. You decide to accept these differences as part of the learning to broaden your world perspective.
That being said, I would like to vent about two culturally/socially excepted norms here in Guatemala that I will not accept and ademently oppose.
1. So, I will be in mid conversation with someone...at times a serious or important conversation, and here in Guatemala it is as acceptable to casually dig in your nose as it would be to scratch your forehead in the States. And, after that, it is not gross or wrong to proceed to wipe your finger on your pants or on the wall (whatever is more convenient), and seek a hand shake or cheek kiss upon leaving the conversation. In what world is this okay???? Well, now that I think of it, it is probably ok in the same world in which I had to use a toilet without a door on the bathroom......the bathroom was off of a hall where a large family party was gathered.
2. Ok, and now to vent about the thing that is just wrong! Why is it ok to go into a room where someone is sleeping (i.e. ME) and flip on the light switch to find something (the sisters clothes are all in the room where I sleep).....regardless of what time it is- midnight, 4:30am (when the rest of the family wakes to sell bread). I have conceeded to the fact that I will not sleep past 6am, but really people.....flip on the light in a room where people are sleeping in the middle of the night!? How is that ok!? Venting session over, I think.
I wish I had my devotional book here with me to copy the other day´s lesson. In a nut shell (and much more eloquently) it talked about faith and fear. Strong faith is born out of the seed of fear. We look up to God on the mountain and realize we are in the valley, and we cannot make the climb on our own. We stand with Moses and the Israelites in front of the Red Sea...we can either fight or swim. But God has a different plan in mind, a different way through, and when we trust in Him, our fear grows to faith.
Count down 22 days until I will be back on American soil. I am excited about it! But, I´m trying to remain present in the here and now. Only in today......I want to be done with making self imposed time frames for my life.
All for now. Hope you all are well. Miss you all the time.
So, when you go to a different country, or even on a trip to a different part of the U.S., you go with the anticipation of there being cultural differences. You know that there will be cultural differences, and that is part of the adventure. You decide to accept these differences as part of the learning to broaden your world perspective.
That being said, I would like to vent about two culturally/socially excepted norms here in Guatemala that I will not accept and ademently oppose.
1. So, I will be in mid conversation with someone...at times a serious or important conversation, and here in Guatemala it is as acceptable to casually dig in your nose as it would be to scratch your forehead in the States. And, after that, it is not gross or wrong to proceed to wipe your finger on your pants or on the wall (whatever is more convenient), and seek a hand shake or cheek kiss upon leaving the conversation. In what world is this okay???? Well, now that I think of it, it is probably ok in the same world in which I had to use a toilet without a door on the bathroom......the bathroom was off of a hall where a large family party was gathered.
2. Ok, and now to vent about the thing that is just wrong! Why is it ok to go into a room where someone is sleeping (i.e. ME) and flip on the light switch to find something (the sisters clothes are all in the room where I sleep).....regardless of what time it is- midnight, 4:30am (when the rest of the family wakes to sell bread). I have conceeded to the fact that I will not sleep past 6am, but really people.....flip on the light in a room where people are sleeping in the middle of the night!? How is that ok!? Venting session over, I think.
I wish I had my devotional book here with me to copy the other day´s lesson. In a nut shell (and much more eloquently) it talked about faith and fear. Strong faith is born out of the seed of fear. We look up to God on the mountain and realize we are in the valley, and we cannot make the climb on our own. We stand with Moses and the Israelites in front of the Red Sea...we can either fight or swim. But God has a different plan in mind, a different way through, and when we trust in Him, our fear grows to faith.
Count down 22 days until I will be back on American soil. I am excited about it! But, I´m trying to remain present in the here and now. Only in today......I want to be done with making self imposed time frames for my life.
All for now. Hope you all are well. Miss you all the time.
Monday, September 21, 2009
3 weeks 4 days to go
Welp, not a whole lot of news to catch people up on at the clinic. We are back to preparing again for the next surgical group that comes in 2 weeks, so I am making a gazillion more packets of surgical towels to be sterilized for the operating rooms. This week, Rosario and I will be going to the local school for 2 days for the educational days about personal hygiene and such. I am supposed talk for 30 minutes for each class in spanish, and I'm really nervous about that. Adults and friends are really nice to me when I try to talk spanish, but little kids just giggle and make fun of me, so I'm nervous to get it right in front of the classes.
I think more stuff is happening back home than in Guatemala right now. It makes me so anxious and sad when bad things happen at home while I'm away, and I can't do anything to help it. The heaviest thing on my heart right now is that a close family friend found out that her husband has been seeing someone else, and the worst part is that they have little children. Infidelity, in my opinion, is the worst wound a relationship, family, and marriage can ever receive. It affects everything in a relationship from trust to friendship to self confidence, every move you make you have the pain of jealousy, fear, and doubt even if you aren't with that person anymore. And the risk of infidelity makes me so afraid. It can happen in any relationship. Its a scary thing to commit your heart to someone like that especially with the risk of the other person not sticking to that commitment.
----------------------
Now a big change in direction. The ladies at the clinic are having a fundraiser this week, and we are supposed to contact our home churches to solicit help. In Antigua, another little city (where I went 2 wkends ago), there is a shelter for the elderly. Most of the time, the elderly and grandparents live with their children when they get too old to work, but at least 38 elderly people in Antigua have no family or resources to provide for themselves so they are at this home. The home has employees that help feed, clothe, and medically care for the inhabitants, but the resources to support the elderly and pay the employees has run out as of Sept. 30th this year. If they don't have money to stay open by Sept. 30th, the 38 elderly will be homeless when most of them cannot take care of themselves even in the best situations. They need about 250,000 Quetzales to stay open (I'm not sure for how long), which equates to about $30,000. If anyone would like to give support ($5-$20, whatever), you can let me know on here and I can withdrawal it from my debit account and get you to pay me back when I return. I will have the exact name and address of the organization tomorrow if anybody needs it for tax/authenticity purposes.
Hope you all are doing well. Please pray for my friend and her family this week, and also, please pray for my extended family as my Great Aunt Mabel and Great Uncle Bob both passed away this week. Lots of things are probably going on in your life too that can weaken our faith, but we can rest in Him...in good times and bad. Its a choice we can make.
I think more stuff is happening back home than in Guatemala right now. It makes me so anxious and sad when bad things happen at home while I'm away, and I can't do anything to help it. The heaviest thing on my heart right now is that a close family friend found out that her husband has been seeing someone else, and the worst part is that they have little children. Infidelity, in my opinion, is the worst wound a relationship, family, and marriage can ever receive. It affects everything in a relationship from trust to friendship to self confidence, every move you make you have the pain of jealousy, fear, and doubt even if you aren't with that person anymore. And the risk of infidelity makes me so afraid. It can happen in any relationship. Its a scary thing to commit your heart to someone like that especially with the risk of the other person not sticking to that commitment.
----------------------
Now a big change in direction. The ladies at the clinic are having a fundraiser this week, and we are supposed to contact our home churches to solicit help. In Antigua, another little city (where I went 2 wkends ago), there is a shelter for the elderly. Most of the time, the elderly and grandparents live with their children when they get too old to work, but at least 38 elderly people in Antigua have no family or resources to provide for themselves so they are at this home. The home has employees that help feed, clothe, and medically care for the inhabitants, but the resources to support the elderly and pay the employees has run out as of Sept. 30th this year. If they don't have money to stay open by Sept. 30th, the 38 elderly will be homeless when most of them cannot take care of themselves even in the best situations. They need about 250,000 Quetzales to stay open (I'm not sure for how long), which equates to about $30,000. If anyone would like to give support ($5-$20, whatever), you can let me know on here and I can withdrawal it from my debit account and get you to pay me back when I return. I will have the exact name and address of the organization tomorrow if anybody needs it for tax/authenticity purposes.
Hope you all are doing well. Please pray for my friend and her family this week, and also, please pray for my extended family as my Great Aunt Mabel and Great Uncle Bob both passed away this week. Lots of things are probably going on in your life too that can weaken our faith, but we can rest in Him...in good times and bad. Its a choice we can make.
Friday, September 18, 2009
4 weeks to go
I've gotten really lazy about writing blogs....its such a hastle to get on the internet or get calling cards here that some days I just feel too lazy to make the effort...especially now that I need a bodyguard to do anything. The dad has become really protective. I showed him the safety whistle my real dad gave me, but I still have constant supervision. I feel like a nuisance asking one the family members to go with me to the internet cafe where they sit for like an hour as I catch up on email, facebook, and the blog. But, there is a little down time at the clinic today, and I will take advantage of that! So, now I have a lot to catch people up on........
The Independence Day celebrations ended up being pretty fun. The best way to describe it would be a cheap, hispanic, smaller version of Boom's Day in Knoxville. Silvia, one of the sisters at the house, was made Queen of the Teachers at the school where she teaches so she had to participate and stand at the front of every parade (there were 4). She asked me to help her pick out her outfit for each day, and let me tell you, these sisters I live with have more dress up clothes than I have ever had in my life.....thats not saying much though if you know how much I actually dress up. They enjoy dressing me up, and they got a kick out of it when I put on on of the mom's traditional mayan skirts.
I have taken to wearing skirts more than shorts because it helps in making me not feel like a boy....I never really get clean or freshened up here. You shower then 5 minutes later the sweat starts flowing again. The funny thing is that for some reason, the dad has accidently started calling me "Patti" instead of "Kati, and I think its a fruedian slip in reference to SNL's "It's Pat." You know, the skit where you never find out if Pat is a man or a woman. Thats what I feel like here. Ok, back to the story.
A few nights we went to the "central park" where they had the carnival rides and music over the loud speaker. I talked the youngest daughter, Betty, into riding the ferris wheel with me, and what a bad idea that was! It went at like 60mph....way faster than our ferris wheels, and I seriously almost barfed on everyone below me like 5 times. After several attempts at asking the driver to let me out in spanish as we zoomed by, he finally let me off, at which time I downed the dramamine I strategically keep in my purse. The family thought it was hilarious and kept asking me how I was feeling. I was a good sport about it and didn't allow myself to tell them that I was about to barf on the next one that asked me!
The next night in the square, there was a salsa band, and we all had fun watching that. I always feel like I have a swarm of body guards around me when we go out. One of the local boys tried to get me to dance with him (he was all of 4ft tall), but one of the sisters, Johana, zoomed in faster to get him away than I could say 'no gracias.'
------
Had to take a quick break to remove some sutures. Today is the post op check up day from the last surgical week and I am working the "wound cleaning, suture removal room." Nurses do very different things here in Guatemala. I asked my supervising nurse for help because I have never removed sutures before. One request to doctors out there....use thread that has color. Transparent sutures are way too hard to see.
Just took out some more sutures. This time they were black. Thank you doctor.
----------------
This week, I have gotten to go on the mobile clinics with the local doctors. Wednesday I went with Dr. David to a little clinic close to here and saw about 30 patients. One patient was a member of the local church we work through here. She is a very poorly controlled diabetic, and when we checked her, her blood glucose was 249. She has an accucheck machine that an american doctor gave her, but she doesn't have any test strips or lancets. It doesn't help that the instructions are in english either. So, I'm working on translating some simple instructions for her and getting some supplies from the clinic here....some kind of feasible plan for her.
Thursday, I went with Dr. Walter to Xepujup, a remote Mayan/Quiche village where most the people speak a whole different language than spanish, Quiche,....sounds like a lot of gurgling and clicking to me. We also had about 30 patients, and the one that stood out to me most was a little 3 1/2 yr old girl, Micaela, who weighed 15lbs. She can't talk or walk, but other than that, she developmentally looks like a 1 1/2 yr old. As I was taking her temperature under her arm, her skin just folded on itself because she was so malnourished. She is a frequent patient of Dr. Walter, and although they have tried supplements, she keeps presenting with malnutrition and respiratory symptoms. I asked him what he thought about cystic fibrosis, and he didn't know what it was, but is going to look it up. Even if Cystic Fibrosis exists in the hispanic population, I doubt that it would be diagnosed or treated because of the economic situation of most people. If you don't know what CF is...in a nut shell, it is a excess of mucous like substances in your lungs and pancreas so that your body cannot adequately clear your lungs or digest food, causing frequent respiratory infections and malabsorption even in people who are well treated in the U.S. The average life expectancy is somewhere around 30-40ish when agressively treated I think. Its so sad for this little girl, whatever the cause of her illness, but it is also overwhelming about the circumstances most of these people live in because this little girl is just one example of the poverty here. Little by little, the masses are being helped by educational programs and sponsorship for the children (ABC program which provides support for nutrition and education), but over all, there is little that can be done to help every single person. The team here is doing a great job, doing the best they can. But I imagine it would be centuries before most of the people even reached the living standards of the poor/innercity of the U.S.
But, from the example of the diabetic with the accucheck that she doesn't know how to work, it does no good for Americans to give "things" and tools when the people have no idea how to use them. You can build a family a house with ammenities like electricity and running water, but if they can't afford to pay the monthly bill, have you really done them any service? They will just have to sell the house and try to find somewhere else to live I really admire the ongoing work of the actual Guatemalans here. They are the ones who are with the patients and villages day in and day out. They understand the locals way more than an outsider ever could, and imagine how blessed we are when we can support these missonaries by providing financially for the work they do because we are working in the U.S.
Ok, getting off my soap box now. But, I am just realizing more everyday the impact that the natives of a country can have amongst their own people when they are gifted with the education and finances that most of us have as a matter of birth right. The weekly surgical and medical trips that the Americans bring are amazing and do so much to show the love of Christ that stretches across languages and oceans, but the work of the doctors who live and sleep and breath here is what makes the life long, economic, spiritual, social, and physical differences.
Alright, thats all for now. Miss you all very much. I am enjoying the work here and am very blessed to see the work of Christ in the lives of others and in my heart. Praying for you constantly. Miss you very much.
The Independence Day celebrations ended up being pretty fun. The best way to describe it would be a cheap, hispanic, smaller version of Boom's Day in Knoxville. Silvia, one of the sisters at the house, was made Queen of the Teachers at the school where she teaches so she had to participate and stand at the front of every parade (there were 4). She asked me to help her pick out her outfit for each day, and let me tell you, these sisters I live with have more dress up clothes than I have ever had in my life.....thats not saying much though if you know how much I actually dress up. They enjoy dressing me up, and they got a kick out of it when I put on on of the mom's traditional mayan skirts.
I have taken to wearing skirts more than shorts because it helps in making me not feel like a boy....I never really get clean or freshened up here. You shower then 5 minutes later the sweat starts flowing again. The funny thing is that for some reason, the dad has accidently started calling me "Patti" instead of "Kati, and I think its a fruedian slip in reference to SNL's "It's Pat." You know, the skit where you never find out if Pat is a man or a woman. Thats what I feel like here. Ok, back to the story.
A few nights we went to the "central park" where they had the carnival rides and music over the loud speaker. I talked the youngest daughter, Betty, into riding the ferris wheel with me, and what a bad idea that was! It went at like 60mph....way faster than our ferris wheels, and I seriously almost barfed on everyone below me like 5 times. After several attempts at asking the driver to let me out in spanish as we zoomed by, he finally let me off, at which time I downed the dramamine I strategically keep in my purse. The family thought it was hilarious and kept asking me how I was feeling. I was a good sport about it and didn't allow myself to tell them that I was about to barf on the next one that asked me!
The next night in the square, there was a salsa band, and we all had fun watching that. I always feel like I have a swarm of body guards around me when we go out. One of the local boys tried to get me to dance with him (he was all of 4ft tall), but one of the sisters, Johana, zoomed in faster to get him away than I could say 'no gracias.'
------
Had to take a quick break to remove some sutures. Today is the post op check up day from the last surgical week and I am working the "wound cleaning, suture removal room." Nurses do very different things here in Guatemala. I asked my supervising nurse for help because I have never removed sutures before. One request to doctors out there....use thread that has color. Transparent sutures are way too hard to see.
Just took out some more sutures. This time they were black. Thank you doctor.
----------------
This week, I have gotten to go on the mobile clinics with the local doctors. Wednesday I went with Dr. David to a little clinic close to here and saw about 30 patients. One patient was a member of the local church we work through here. She is a very poorly controlled diabetic, and when we checked her, her blood glucose was 249. She has an accucheck machine that an american doctor gave her, but she doesn't have any test strips or lancets. It doesn't help that the instructions are in english either. So, I'm working on translating some simple instructions for her and getting some supplies from the clinic here....some kind of feasible plan for her.
Thursday, I went with Dr. Walter to Xepujup, a remote Mayan/Quiche village where most the people speak a whole different language than spanish, Quiche,....sounds like a lot of gurgling and clicking to me. We also had about 30 patients, and the one that stood out to me most was a little 3 1/2 yr old girl, Micaela, who weighed 15lbs. She can't talk or walk, but other than that, she developmentally looks like a 1 1/2 yr old. As I was taking her temperature under her arm, her skin just folded on itself because she was so malnourished. She is a frequent patient of Dr. Walter, and although they have tried supplements, she keeps presenting with malnutrition and respiratory symptoms. I asked him what he thought about cystic fibrosis, and he didn't know what it was, but is going to look it up. Even if Cystic Fibrosis exists in the hispanic population, I doubt that it would be diagnosed or treated because of the economic situation of most people. If you don't know what CF is...in a nut shell, it is a excess of mucous like substances in your lungs and pancreas so that your body cannot adequately clear your lungs or digest food, causing frequent respiratory infections and malabsorption even in people who are well treated in the U.S. The average life expectancy is somewhere around 30-40ish when agressively treated I think. Its so sad for this little girl, whatever the cause of her illness, but it is also overwhelming about the circumstances most of these people live in because this little girl is just one example of the poverty here. Little by little, the masses are being helped by educational programs and sponsorship for the children (ABC program which provides support for nutrition and education), but over all, there is little that can be done to help every single person. The team here is doing a great job, doing the best they can. But I imagine it would be centuries before most of the people even reached the living standards of the poor/innercity of the U.S.
But, from the example of the diabetic with the accucheck that she doesn't know how to work, it does no good for Americans to give "things" and tools when the people have no idea how to use them. You can build a family a house with ammenities like electricity and running water, but if they can't afford to pay the monthly bill, have you really done them any service? They will just have to sell the house and try to find somewhere else to live I really admire the ongoing work of the actual Guatemalans here. They are the ones who are with the patients and villages day in and day out. They understand the locals way more than an outsider ever could, and imagine how blessed we are when we can support these missonaries by providing financially for the work they do because we are working in the U.S.
Ok, getting off my soap box now. But, I am just realizing more everyday the impact that the natives of a country can have amongst their own people when they are gifted with the education and finances that most of us have as a matter of birth right. The weekly surgical and medical trips that the Americans bring are amazing and do so much to show the love of Christ that stretches across languages and oceans, but the work of the doctors who live and sleep and breath here is what makes the life long, economic, spiritual, social, and physical differences.
Alright, thats all for now. Miss you all very much. I am enjoying the work here and am very blessed to see the work of Christ in the lives of others and in my heart. Praying for you constantly. Miss you very much.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Independence day
Well, I am back in Chicacao at the clinic, and boy did I get spoiled in Antigua. We had a fun day of shopping and site seeing in Antigua on Friday, and I rode back Saturday with Danny, one of the workers, after we dropped the surgical team off at the airport. I bought way too much souvenir stuff in Antigua, but I figured I might as well because I am not sure if I will be staying through the next surgical group. But it was a really fun time and the hotel was so nice. Each room had 2 plush queen size beds, a fireplace (even though it was way too hot to use), an amazingly hot and powerful shower, and a pool (I forgot my bathing suit :(.) I really enjoyed the time I had to spend with the group, just talking about things and hearing the wiser ladies' perspective on life and things. And they all emptied their chocolate and goodies stash for me! One of the guys, Walt, left me the best tasting twizzlers I have ever eaten! But I think it has to do with that whole thing like when you are outdoors or camping and the food just tastes so amazing because you are so hungry!
My ride back to Chicacao with Danny was great too. He is a 25yr old originally from Nicaragua, and I think he works at Health Talents mostly because he is fluent in English and his wife is a nurse here too (Darling is her name). Danny is always just a crack up and jokester, so I felt really blessed when we were able to have a heart to heart talk on the ride back, just both sharing about one another's lives. He said he grew up in a children's home from 5-12yrs after his father died and his mother couldn't afford to raise him. Then he told me about how he and Darling came to be married. For me, sometimes it's just so easy to see the end result, the smiles and babies that come from a marriage and life, and forget that every person and relationship has a story full of bumps and bruises, ups and downs, some more painful than others.
So, back in Chicacao, Independence day celebrations are in full swing. They are having 4 days worth of parades all the way from this past Saturday to this coming Tuesday (the actual Independence Day). The parades all end right in front of my house at the soccer stadium, so the family has set up a little drink stand to make some extra money while watching the parades. Today the parade is for the local school children, and each school has a different theme. I had to come into work, so I showed one of the daughters how to use my camera because 2 of the kids are still in school. The central park area has more sketch carnival games set up, and I think the family has intentions to ride the ferris wheel.......is there any bubble wrap I can wrap myself in?
Some of the people from the last surgical group said they were going to put pictures up on facebook, so you should be able to see some soon from my facebook page once I get tagged. Just a warning, don't be alarmed if I look smaller.....I will gain my weight back when I get home! I don't know if I'm skinnier because of losing real weight or water weight, but thank goodness for draw string pants.
Its been hard to get to the computer or phone this last week, so sorry mom and dad. This week should be easier to communicate. And just so you know, even if I don't call or write you does not mean I am not thinking of and missing you. I'm still not sure whether I'm going to come home early or not. My flight home is still set for Oct. 17th, and I'm just going to take it a week at a time. 4 weeks behind me with about 5 weeks to go....its a little daughnting, so I'm just taking it a week at a time.
Hopefully going to the bank then internet cafe after work today if the workers/family lets me venture out. Hope you all are doing well. Love, Katie
My ride back to Chicacao with Danny was great too. He is a 25yr old originally from Nicaragua, and I think he works at Health Talents mostly because he is fluent in English and his wife is a nurse here too (Darling is her name). Danny is always just a crack up and jokester, so I felt really blessed when we were able to have a heart to heart talk on the ride back, just both sharing about one another's lives. He said he grew up in a children's home from 5-12yrs after his father died and his mother couldn't afford to raise him. Then he told me about how he and Darling came to be married. For me, sometimes it's just so easy to see the end result, the smiles and babies that come from a marriage and life, and forget that every person and relationship has a story full of bumps and bruises, ups and downs, some more painful than others.
So, back in Chicacao, Independence day celebrations are in full swing. They are having 4 days worth of parades all the way from this past Saturday to this coming Tuesday (the actual Independence Day). The parades all end right in front of my house at the soccer stadium, so the family has set up a little drink stand to make some extra money while watching the parades. Today the parade is for the local school children, and each school has a different theme. I had to come into work, so I showed one of the daughters how to use my camera because 2 of the kids are still in school. The central park area has more sketch carnival games set up, and I think the family has intentions to ride the ferris wheel.......is there any bubble wrap I can wrap myself in?
Some of the people from the last surgical group said they were going to put pictures up on facebook, so you should be able to see some soon from my facebook page once I get tagged. Just a warning, don't be alarmed if I look smaller.....I will gain my weight back when I get home! I don't know if I'm skinnier because of losing real weight or water weight, but thank goodness for draw string pants.
Its been hard to get to the computer or phone this last week, so sorry mom and dad. This week should be easier to communicate. And just so you know, even if I don't call or write you does not mean I am not thinking of and missing you. I'm still not sure whether I'm going to come home early or not. My flight home is still set for Oct. 17th, and I'm just going to take it a week at a time. 4 weeks behind me with about 5 weeks to go....its a little daughnting, so I'm just taking it a week at a time.
Hopefully going to the bank then internet cafe after work today if the workers/family lets me venture out. Hope you all are doing well. Love, Katie
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Winding down
The surgical week is winding down...I think last night was the last big night and today we are sending everyone home. I get to go with the group to Antigua (a little more tourist type city here) to do some sightseeing on Friday and Saturday, so I'm excited about that!
The week went really well without any major complications. We did have a little old 75 yr old lady have an asthma attack last night. The reporting of past medical history doesn't really exist here, so none of us knew she had a past medical hx of asthma. After the Guatemalan staff helped her take a shower, I looked over at her and she was sitting in tripod position and coughing a lot. After listening to her and putting a pulse ox probe on her, she was 83% (normal >93%) on room air and wheezing terribly. We had to put her on 4L nasal canula O2 to get her sats >90% before I went and got the doctors for an albuterol treatment. But, she is much better this morning....just a little snag last night....very late last night! The 3-11 shift has turned into the 1-12p shift these last few days! But in all I think we did at least 120 surgeries because there were 3 teams of surgeons and I know one alone said they did 69 surgeries.
I hung out in the men's ward last night taking care of them. They were all so funny. I think there were about 10 of them I was taking care of, and it took me 2 hours to make my rounds on vital signs and pain meds because they all wanted me to stop and talk for an hour! One little old man told me that I was sweet like sugar as he was getting discharged this morning.....I couldn't help but laugh because he also had on his glasses that magnified his eyes like 10x as he was telling me.
Oh, but the main reason I am writing on here is to let you guys know that I can't access my email. One web page after another keeps getting inaccessible to me! First facebook now yahoo. Its taking like 30min to load my email, so sorry to mom, dad, whoever else may have written me this week. I can't get it. Maybe next week I will ask one of the sisters to walk me to the internet cafe. There may be a way to call/email in Antigua so I will take the time if I see it. But everything is fine here, nice and safe with the group. Love you all and talk to you soon.
The week went really well without any major complications. We did have a little old 75 yr old lady have an asthma attack last night. The reporting of past medical history doesn't really exist here, so none of us knew she had a past medical hx of asthma. After the Guatemalan staff helped her take a shower, I looked over at her and she was sitting in tripod position and coughing a lot. After listening to her and putting a pulse ox probe on her, she was 83% (normal >93%) on room air and wheezing terribly. We had to put her on 4L nasal canula O2 to get her sats >90% before I went and got the doctors for an albuterol treatment. But, she is much better this morning....just a little snag last night....very late last night! The 3-11 shift has turned into the 1-12p shift these last few days! But in all I think we did at least 120 surgeries because there were 3 teams of surgeons and I know one alone said they did 69 surgeries.
I hung out in the men's ward last night taking care of them. They were all so funny. I think there were about 10 of them I was taking care of, and it took me 2 hours to make my rounds on vital signs and pain meds because they all wanted me to stop and talk for an hour! One little old man told me that I was sweet like sugar as he was getting discharged this morning.....I couldn't help but laugh because he also had on his glasses that magnified his eyes like 10x as he was telling me.
Oh, but the main reason I am writing on here is to let you guys know that I can't access my email. One web page after another keeps getting inaccessible to me! First facebook now yahoo. Its taking like 30min to load my email, so sorry to mom, dad, whoever else may have written me this week. I can't get it. Maybe next week I will ask one of the sisters to walk me to the internet cafe. There may be a way to call/email in Antigua so I will take the time if I see it. But everything is fine here, nice and safe with the group. Love you all and talk to you soon.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Day 4/5
Well I have kind of lost count of how many surgeries that have been done...we are probably somewhere between 50-60 at this point. And let me tell you, I never want to have a hysterectomy after what I've seen these ladies go through. Yikes. The crazy thing is that we have been sending them home sometimes less than 24hr after surgery on TYLENOL. Well, I guess the post-op pain is better when compared to the prolapsed uterus they had before. Ok, enough with the gross stuff!
The little old men we have been taking care of are so funny. Most of them have had inguinal hernia repairs, and they have turned our men's ward into a fraternity hall as they compare dressings, IV's, who has been whimpiest with pain meds, and just hang out around each other's beds. We have had 3 more little boys with hernia repairs too. We had a 20 month old that got a hernia repair and circumcision all at once...talk about a bad day. For the kids, all we have for pain control is tylenol or ibuprofen, but we had to crush up part of a lortab and try to flavor it because he was beside himself. I think we had him a little loopy for a bit. But, he is doing much better today.
It's been fun to start to know enough spanish to be able to joke around with the patients and with the other workers here at the clinic. Yesterday, my roommate wanted to take a walk around the clinic so we walked and then found this huge tree stump to sit on. While we were relaxing there, another Guatemalan nurse came over to sit with us. When she was leaving, my roommate, Ruth, said in spanish to watch out for her sunglasses on the floor. However, the other nurse, Martha, only heard "watch out" and saw something black.....and I have never seen someone so little jump so high. She is the quietest girl but she screamed at the top of her lungs because she thought she was about to step on a snake. Oh man did we laugh.....my side was hurting!
Ok, story isn't so funny in writing, but its really neat to see the real friendships that are developing despite the language and cultural differences.
Yesterday I got to go a local little Cocoa farm to see how cocoa beans are harvested, roasted, and ground. It was really cool. I brought them some of my stash of Dove Dark Chocolate as kind of an exchange, and they gave me some of their fresh "chocolate." The ingredients were 1lb of cocoa to 2lb of sugar with a dash of cinnamon and cannola to bind it. It was a different flavor than regular chocolate, but really good, almost fudge taste. We got to take a little hike to see the cocoa trees, and we also saw a pineapple farm, a big canyon type thing with a river, and a 200yr old tree that is their national tree. It was huge! We took a pic at the base of the tree's roots....and we looked tiny! I felt like I was in Fern Gully or something. Then, back at the farm owner's house, the patriarch of the family, an 80yr old nearly deaf man was so excited to try out his english with me. He had taken a 20yr correspondence course and was really good. Francisco, a 20yr old worker at the clinic who speaks english, was dying laughing watching the man ask me what about 20 words were in english as I practically yelled the spellings into his ear. So that was really nice to get to go out to do something "fun" especially since I'm really restricted on how much I am allowed to leave the clinic and family's house now. (Rob...the hike did me some good!)
Still working the 5p-1a shift....and I think we have gotten things in better order now. I think it helps that I'm kind of bridging between the two shifts because it helps communicate different needs from one shift to the other. I've given up using my OCD charts. But, the 2 GYN surgeons from NY are funny and appreciate my tendencies and tried to talk me into coming to work with them in the OR in NY because she is just as OCD as I am. Mom, got to use my new steristrip and dermabond skills that I learned from your PT's for a woman's fresh TAH incision that opened up about 3/4", fairly superficially. It was probably 23:00 when it happened, and before I went to wake the doctors to tell them I put the steristrips on so she wouldn't be hanging open. I told them what happened and what I did, and they were like "Ok cool, thats all we would have done. As long as she isn't bleeding, we're good." She went home the next morning! Totally different atmosphere here at times.
Ok, well gonna rest some and head down to the clinic to help through lunch in a bit. Hope you are all doing well. Jessie, censor mom's comments from now on :). j/k mom, I laughed.
I'm coming home soon.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Labor Day
Happy Labor Day everybody. How was Boom's Day?
Well, it is day 2 of 5 at the clinic for surgeries....and man do we keep things moving. I am on the 3-11ish shift, but really im going to be working during lunchish time to give those nurses a slight meal break then from 5p-1am to help through the overnight change of shift. I'm exhausted already! Yesterday, we had maybe only 10 surgeries, but today we have those patients plus 21 new surgeries. I am enjoying being with the American team, but this reaffirms my feelings of being done with hospital floor nursing in my career as an RN. Even without the computer documentation there is a haunting similarity here to my bad memories back at Vandy!.....hospital nursing is just not for me. I will leave it to those nutty nurses who thrive off stress, blood, and guts. Me, I like quiet educational sessions, organizing, managing, being one-on-one. I'm excited to get back and try out substitute school nursing and teaching, a lot!
But there are 8 other people from Knoxville here- 2 great nurses that I will be working with on nights (who work at UT), a GYN surgeon, a 3rd year GYN resident, a cute little old couple who are our "compassionate caregivers," a guy that I think is an EMT but is working as a surgical tech, and I can't think who the 8th person is right now. It's a pretty big team in all....about 40 people from all over- New York, Arkansas, Texas, Tennessee.
The first day we had a few general surgery patients: hernia repairs and hemmroid repairs, but the majority were GYN patients. One lady had a 20cm mass removed from her.......but now she is also 20lbs lighter! My favorite patient was a little 6 year old girl named Katerine (got excited because we have the same name). Poor thing had a hernia repair and was such a trooper, but she threw up her first clear liquids after surgery and was just beside herself crying for her mom. But one of our compassionate caregivers was able to sit with her and sing to her, and after a little time and some zofran, she was up coloring and reading to us. Precious little girl...her mom came later on in the evening, and she went home this morning.
I got up early this morning and put my OCD tendencies to use making flowcharts for the recovery and floor nurses. If you aren't in the OR, the nurses kind of function as do-all people...we have a little corner of the room set up as our recovery area and then transfer the patients to the other side of the curtain for the "floor" where they stay until discharge. It was absolute chaos yesterday as everyone was trying to help at the same time and no one knew who had what patient, what had been done for what patient, etc etc. Its a whole different type of learning curve to have a bunch of random people thrown together and have to figure out how everyone else works. But, I think we got a little more organization together today. The nurses were really excited to have the flowsheets to keep their patients organized with, so hopefully today will be a lot better.
But all in all, things are going well. I think I am ready to come home, but just need to wait a couple more weeks out to finish the things that are already planned for me to help with. On Sept 23-25 we have the school education days, and I could not disappoint 500 kids by their "gringa" not showing up.
I'm bunking at the clinic with one of the Guatemalan nurses, Ruth. She's really sweet. She came from the capital to help us this week. And oh my gosh guys....here at the "hotel" at the clinic there are showers with warm water and no bugs, and fans, and cold drinking water, and no ants are getting in my snacks. It's amazing.
Will close for now. I can't get on facebook from the clinic, so if anybody needs me, just email or write on here. Hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend. Ready to come home.
Well, it is day 2 of 5 at the clinic for surgeries....and man do we keep things moving. I am on the 3-11ish shift, but really im going to be working during lunchish time to give those nurses a slight meal break then from 5p-1am to help through the overnight change of shift. I'm exhausted already! Yesterday, we had maybe only 10 surgeries, but today we have those patients plus 21 new surgeries. I am enjoying being with the American team, but this reaffirms my feelings of being done with hospital floor nursing in my career as an RN. Even without the computer documentation there is a haunting similarity here to my bad memories back at Vandy!.....hospital nursing is just not for me. I will leave it to those nutty nurses who thrive off stress, blood, and guts. Me, I like quiet educational sessions, organizing, managing, being one-on-one. I'm excited to get back and try out substitute school nursing and teaching, a lot!
But there are 8 other people from Knoxville here- 2 great nurses that I will be working with on nights (who work at UT), a GYN surgeon, a 3rd year GYN resident, a cute little old couple who are our "compassionate caregivers," a guy that I think is an EMT but is working as a surgical tech, and I can't think who the 8th person is right now. It's a pretty big team in all....about 40 people from all over- New York, Arkansas, Texas, Tennessee.
I'm kind of a weird liason between the American and Guatemalan nurses, as I am kind of in the middle.......didn't come with the Americans but also not Guatemalan. But, that makes it fun to get to float between everybody. I got pulled into the OR to translate before surgery yesterday. For people that don't speak spanish, they think I'm really fluent, but if you know any spanish, you know how intermediate I really am. But learning a lot and helping where I can!
The first day we had a few general surgery patients: hernia repairs and hemmroid repairs, but the majority were GYN patients. One lady had a 20cm mass removed from her.......but now she is also 20lbs lighter! My favorite patient was a little 6 year old girl named Katerine (got excited because we have the same name). Poor thing had a hernia repair and was such a trooper, but she threw up her first clear liquids after surgery and was just beside herself crying for her mom. But one of our compassionate caregivers was able to sit with her and sing to her, and after a little time and some zofran, she was up coloring and reading to us. Precious little girl...her mom came later on in the evening, and she went home this morning.
I got up early this morning and put my OCD tendencies to use making flowcharts for the recovery and floor nurses. If you aren't in the OR, the nurses kind of function as do-all people...we have a little corner of the room set up as our recovery area and then transfer the patients to the other side of the curtain for the "floor" where they stay until discharge. It was absolute chaos yesterday as everyone was trying to help at the same time and no one knew who had what patient, what had been done for what patient, etc etc. Its a whole different type of learning curve to have a bunch of random people thrown together and have to figure out how everyone else works. But, I think we got a little more organization together today. The nurses were really excited to have the flowsheets to keep their patients organized with, so hopefully today will be a lot better.
But all in all, things are going well. I think I am ready to come home, but just need to wait a couple more weeks out to finish the things that are already planned for me to help with. On Sept 23-25 we have the school education days, and I could not disappoint 500 kids by their "gringa" not showing up.
I'm bunking at the clinic with one of the Guatemalan nurses, Ruth. She's really sweet. She came from the capital to help us this week. And oh my gosh guys....here at the "hotel" at the clinic there are showers with warm water and no bugs, and fans, and cold drinking water, and no ants are getting in my snacks. It's amazing.
Will close for now. I can't get on facebook from the clinic, so if anybody needs me, just email or write on here. Hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend. Ready to come home.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Blah
Feeling slightly defeated today and yesterday.....don´t know if its homesickness, feeling lonely, missing people at home, or just because I´m physically sick. Not very fun to feel this way when I feel a bit like an island anyways. That has always been a struggle of mine- accepting help and closeness with people...when the truth is we were made for relationship and community. May God open my heart to the people around me at this moment so that not only am I able to help them with their physical needs but so that we both can be reached in our emotional-spiritual needs.
This was one of my devotional readings this morning from Grace for the Moment:
¨Don´t panic¨
-Let us hold firmly to the hope that we have confessed, because we can trust God to do what he promised.- Heb 10:23
Your disappoinments too heavy? Read the story of the Emmaus-bound disciples. The Savior they thought was dead now walked beside them. He entered their house and sat at their table. And something happened in their hearts. Ít felt like a fire burning in us when Jesus talked to us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us.´Luke 24:32.
Next time you are disappointed, don´t panic. Don´t give up. Just be patient and let God remind you He´s still in control. It ain´t over till it´s over.
Last night was Betty´s birthday party, and it was really fun. We had it at the church, and they had a visiting preacher come in for a revival type service. After church, we served dinner and cake to more than 100 people I´m guessing. It was a really big deal for them....apparently turning 15 is like the ´coming of age´ year. I was the photographer and took pictures of everything they kept pointing to. We are gonna go to the mall, about an hour away, one weekend soon to print them out. After the party, we went to the village square where they had some really weird carnival games set up for the weekend supermarket. It was quite odd playing foose ball in the middle of a little village in Guatemala while a Brittany Spears remix blarred over the radio. Just weird. It was kind of painful to watch them spend money on those carnival games that are rigged so you have about a 1/100 chance of actually winning, but I think they really had fun. With how hard they all work, I know they were so excited for a reason to celebrate.
They had family come in from Panajachel (about 3 hours away) for the party, so instead of their being 10 of us in a 3 bedroom house, there were about 25 last night. I didn´t have to share my bed with anyone...thankfully, but there were almost a few less Guatemalans in the village this morning. I don´t know how these people do it! We went to bed at like 11 then they were up again at full swing by 5am. One of the little kids won a trumpet toy at the carnival and decided to play parade up and down the hall this morning.......like I said, there were almost a few less Guatemalans in the village this morning! :)
But I just got a call from Karla (my old family´s pregnant sister) for a party at their house this morning. So, when I leave there, I´m going to take a Tuc-tuc (their version of a little taxi thing on steroids) to her house for a couple hours. Then around 5p, Dr. Lux from the clinic is picking me up for the surgery brigade. I´m not sure who I will be dorming with at the clinic or what shift I will be working yet. The Guatemalan nurses want me on their team in which case I´d work either a 12 day or 12 night shift each day, but I think I´m on team U.S.A. in which case I´ll work either 7-3, 3-11, or 11-7 (cue Kenney Chesney song, Shift work.....)
I know I joke around a lot, but I am feeling pretty disappointed-defeated today. Asking for your prayers! You are in my prayers constantly. Miss you.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Harmonization
Count down only 2 days until the U.S. surgery team gets here! I don´t know any of them (but found out 2 of the GYN surgeons are from Knoxville). Feels like Christmas to have them coming....a little taste of home! Miss you all very much!!!!!!!
So, since we are so close to the surgical week, we are in 6th gear (not really sure if there is actually a 6th gear) with preparations. Today, me and one of the other girls sanitized the recovery-overnight area. We scrubbed 50 beds, swept, and mopped. Tomorrow we will put all the sheets and stuff on the beds. I had to keep my attitude in check to keep from grumbling through work I didn´t particularly enjoy....I have a problem about that even for work I am getting paid for. Well, actually I grumble more about work I am getting paid for than about work when I´m volunteering. One of the 1,000,001 things I´m learning to work on! But, to keep from getting a bad attitude, God reminded me about the house keepers at the hospitals who clean rooms and beds for patients day in and day out. And I became very grateful for their hardwork and service. No one is an island....it takes a team to do anything!
Oh, and Wednesday ended up being another papsmear day. The morning of, I prayed earnestly for strength not to get sick to my stomach again, and guess what, God was faithful! I think there were only 4 ladies who needed papsmears, but that´s four more than I tolerated last time!
I´m probably going to be out of commission a little bit next week starting this Saturday. The surgical weeks are apparently a lot of fun in the end but a bit like boot camp. I´m a little scared....but nursing has always intimidated me a lot. My fears of doing something wrong, making the wrong decision....but I am learning that just as Paul had his ¨thorn in his flesh¨ that served as a constant reminder of his need for God, maybe my occassional fears and insecurities are my thorn in my flesh. I can pray for God to take them away, but maybe He doesn´t want to because they help me remember that ¨My grace is sufficent.¨In my weakness, His strength is glorified.
Feeling a bit under the weather. (Mom don´t worry, I´m alright). Woke up with a faucet for a nose and my muscles ache all over. Hopefully just a little cold. My stomach has been very well behaved.....had a little problem this morning, but I think its tolerating the culture well! Hopefully I will be back to 100% before the surgeries.
Tomorrow night is a birthday party for the youngest daughter, Betty. She turns 15, and we are having a huge party at the church. It should be fun! I think I am the one in charge of photography since I am the only one with a camera. Church is much better now that I don´t go everynight....that was wearing me out! I am understanding more and more of the lessons so its much more purposeful for me. I already told Ali about this, but singing at church is very interesting...its Church of Christ, so all accapela. But, rather than trying to harmonize, everyone just sings as loud and forceful as possible! Last night, as small group of them were at the house ¨working on hymnals¨and harmonization, and oh my gosh guys.....I couldn´t go in the room. I know they were singing from their heart, but one of them was having some major trouble! I acknowledge that I can´t sing well...thats why I only impart it on those who already love me!
Thanks to everybody for their comments, makes me feel really good. Love you and miss you.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Top Ten
Let's start off with a list of my top ten "Did that really happen?" moments thus far:
10. The Clinic computer's music collection consisting of a large collection of Otown, BSB, and Nsync songs as the only English music available.
9. The complete lack of trashcans anywhere...everything just goes on the ground and piles up on the sides of the street.
8. Seeing the gecko that climbs up my wall everyday around 5pm (he asked me if I needed insurance the other day....wow, i know that was really corny. i know.)
7. Eating tortillas 3 meals a day as the main staple of food/trying to fill my stomach so I'm not hungry in an hour. I never plan to eat another tortilla outside Guatemala again.
6. Not being able to walk 1 block without seeing dogs making more dogs (apparently Guatemala has never seen The Price is Right or Bob Barker...ok, ya, another corny one)
5. Ants getting everywhere, even into a double sealed bag of Smilies. RIP :(
4. Waking up to a cockroach crawling on me..and sadly, not the first, only, or last time it will happen.
3. Eating refried beans 5 times over....they start out as a soupy substance, move to a more pasty consistency with another refrying, by the 5th time they are served, they're more of a beany loaf, and my guess is that they can be eaten all the way up until petrification. (ok, bad joke number 3....come on guys, there is no one to speak english with here, so this is what happens.)
2. Having to perform paps in 90* heat...I won't go into anymore detail. But there is another pap day this week....I'm going to die.
1. Jose taking my old tooth brush out of the trash because he wanted you use it, and his mom said it was fine....(when they weren't looking, I washed my old one with bleach so he wouldn't catch my cold.)
That's the list so far. How about some comments.....top songs on the radio right now? top movies, top anything? I know I have been gone for only 2ish weeks, but it feels like an eternity. What all is going on at home? I don't think I'm going to stay until the Oct 17th date....if I stay through September, I won't miss anything planned so far (parade, school education day, Karla's baby's arrival), but I don't see myself making it much more than a month more. We will see. I talked to the supervisor here and he was really understanding, and he just told me to let him know what I decide for sure so he can change the plane ticket.
Despite wanting to come home earlier than planned, things are going really well, and I'm feeling more adjusted everyday. The work at the clinic is great, and I'm getting very excited for the Surgery team coming this Saturday. One of the doctors is from Laurel Church of Christ in Knoxville, I think. Even though I don't know any of them, I am excited to get to work with them and stay up at the clinic for a week! So, this week is just finishing up final preparations for surgery. Yesterday I did inventory and restocked the small pharmacy at the nurses' station in the hospital wing.....have to admit I got a little OCD with my organization. Then, this morning, I checked some of the vital sign equipment, and now I'm making posters for the education days at the school near the clinic (the hygiene stuff). One the the employees wants to teach me to run the Autoclave machine to sterilize the equipment for surgery, but I'm a little scared of it. Its a huge machine with like 50 steps and valves. I am even too scared to turn on the gas grill by myself!
I feel like I've kind of hit a little dry spot in my spiritual growth.....I've made it through almost all my books I brought, not to say there isn't a gazillion and one more things I need to and can learn. I think that what I am learning most is that it all boils down to having faith in this Grace. We can do nothing to gain, repay, or deserve this great Love and Grace given to us. Before I can even give my explanation or apology for why I left Him or went away, the Father is waiting with open arms and a kiss to embrace me, to welcome me Home, without a second thought.. (Matt. 15). So, it comes down to a choice, will I have faith above all else in this Great LOVE and GRACE to take me through every fear, every day, every moment, every choice?
Another story from the Ragamuffin Gospel:
Perhaps we are all in the position of the man who came to the edge of an abyss. As he stood there wondering what to do next, he was amazed to discover a tightrope stretched across the abyss. And slowly, surely, across the rope came an acrobat pushing before him a wheelbarrow with another performer in it. When they fnally reached the safety o solid ground, the acrobat smiled at the man's amazement. "Don't you think I can do it again?" he asked. And the man replied, "Why yes, I certainly believe you can." The acrobat put his quetion again, and when the answer was the same, he pointed to the wheelbarrow and said, "Good! Then get in and I will take you across!"
Me: Daily as I wake up, I ask God to give me the courage to climb in the wheelbarrow and walk with Him across the abyss. If there were 100 steps between me and God, He would take 99 and just ask me to take 1.
10. The Clinic computer's music collection consisting of a large collection of Otown, BSB, and Nsync songs as the only English music available.
9. The complete lack of trashcans anywhere...everything just goes on the ground and piles up on the sides of the street.
8. Seeing the gecko that climbs up my wall everyday around 5pm (he asked me if I needed insurance the other day....wow, i know that was really corny. i know.)
7. Eating tortillas 3 meals a day as the main staple of food/trying to fill my stomach so I'm not hungry in an hour. I never plan to eat another tortilla outside Guatemala again.
6. Not being able to walk 1 block without seeing dogs making more dogs (apparently Guatemala has never seen The Price is Right or Bob Barker...ok, ya, another corny one)
5. Ants getting everywhere, even into a double sealed bag of Smilies. RIP :(
4. Waking up to a cockroach crawling on me..and sadly, not the first, only, or last time it will happen.
3. Eating refried beans 5 times over....they start out as a soupy substance, move to a more pasty consistency with another refrying, by the 5th time they are served, they're more of a beany loaf, and my guess is that they can be eaten all the way up until petrification. (ok, bad joke number 3....come on guys, there is no one to speak english with here, so this is what happens.)
2. Having to perform paps in 90* heat...I won't go into anymore detail. But there is another pap day this week....I'm going to die.
1. Jose taking my old tooth brush out of the trash because he wanted you use it, and his mom said it was fine....(when they weren't looking, I washed my old one with bleach so he wouldn't catch my cold.)
That's the list so far. How about some comments.....top songs on the radio right now? top movies, top anything? I know I have been gone for only 2ish weeks, but it feels like an eternity. What all is going on at home? I don't think I'm going to stay until the Oct 17th date....if I stay through September, I won't miss anything planned so far (parade, school education day, Karla's baby's arrival), but I don't see myself making it much more than a month more. We will see. I talked to the supervisor here and he was really understanding, and he just told me to let him know what I decide for sure so he can change the plane ticket.
Despite wanting to come home earlier than planned, things are going really well, and I'm feeling more adjusted everyday. The work at the clinic is great, and I'm getting very excited for the Surgery team coming this Saturday. One of the doctors is from Laurel Church of Christ in Knoxville, I think. Even though I don't know any of them, I am excited to get to work with them and stay up at the clinic for a week! So, this week is just finishing up final preparations for surgery. Yesterday I did inventory and restocked the small pharmacy at the nurses' station in the hospital wing.....have to admit I got a little OCD with my organization. Then, this morning, I checked some of the vital sign equipment, and now I'm making posters for the education days at the school near the clinic (the hygiene stuff). One the the employees wants to teach me to run the Autoclave machine to sterilize the equipment for surgery, but I'm a little scared of it. Its a huge machine with like 50 steps and valves. I am even too scared to turn on the gas grill by myself!
I feel like I've kind of hit a little dry spot in my spiritual growth.....I've made it through almost all my books I brought, not to say there isn't a gazillion and one more things I need to and can learn. I think that what I am learning most is that it all boils down to having faith in this Grace. We can do nothing to gain, repay, or deserve this great Love and Grace given to us. Before I can even give my explanation or apology for why I left Him or went away, the Father is waiting with open arms and a kiss to embrace me, to welcome me Home, without a second thought.. (Matt. 15). So, it comes down to a choice, will I have faith above all else in this Great LOVE and GRACE to take me through every fear, every day, every moment, every choice?
Another story from the Ragamuffin Gospel:
Perhaps we are all in the position of the man who came to the edge of an abyss. As he stood there wondering what to do next, he was amazed to discover a tightrope stretched across the abyss. And slowly, surely, across the rope came an acrobat pushing before him a wheelbarrow with another performer in it. When they fnally reached the safety o solid ground, the acrobat smiled at the man's amazement. "Don't you think I can do it again?" he asked. And the man replied, "Why yes, I certainly believe you can." The acrobat put his quetion again, and when the answer was the same, he pointed to the wheelbarrow and said, "Good! Then get in and I will take you across!"
Me: Daily as I wake up, I ask God to give me the courage to climb in the wheelbarrow and walk with Him across the abyss. If there were 100 steps between me and God, He would take 99 and just ask me to take 1.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Swine Flu
I have the swine flu! ehhhh probably not, but I did wake up this morning with a killer sore throat. I think it is probably from going to sleep every night with wet hair, and last night it was relatively cooler than other nights (relatively because I mean 70* versus 80*). But its more adventurous to pretend like I have swine flu. Maybe I will get to spend a month in quarentine when I come back! One can only dream!
Week 2 is done, and I think with the way the months are, I will actually end up being here 9 weeks (8 wks and 6 days) instead of 8 weeks. Next week we are continuing to prepare the clinic for the surgeries that will start Saturday, Sept 5th...around 100-150 in all. This last week was full of cleaning equipment (found a defibrillator out of the stone age) and preparing packets for sterilization. Apparently we are a little short on surgical nurses coming from the states...so this may get interesting if I get pulled into the OR. If I pass out, it´s better to fall backwards than forwards onto the patient, right? Just kidding. After paps, I should be able to handle it. Gosh, that was my own personal form of torture!
Supply and demand is at full swing in Guate....all the tiendas are out of calling cards because last week it was buy one card and get triple the minutes so they got cleaned out. There should be another delivery next month.... :)
The family and I are getting along great. Jose (9 yr old son) loves my Harry Potter dvd´s, and I have to admit, I was a little selfish last night when we were watching it because I put the subtitles in spanish so that I wouldn´t have to read. But hey, its good for him to practice reading....all in the name of education. The daughter, Silvia (24) always squeels my name when she sees me, so the dad has taken to doing the same thing to joke around with me.
There are a couple of really sweet special-needs girls that live close to my house, and they have taken a liking to talking to me when I walk by. But there is one great problem there...throw on spanish with some kind of speech impediment and-or cleft palate and I can´t understand their precious souls! One of the girls is 21 with a cleft lip repair (maybe from Operation Smile?) and she had an unrepaired cleft palate by the way she was talking. Sweet as could be....but I have no idea what we talked about.
Today is a relaxing day at the house, maybe I will pull out some more Harry Potter....I´ve got 4 other movies! I should have brought my Lord of the Rings and Star Wars too though. I should have brought more books and beef jerky and goldfish too. Just an FYI for anyone else that is planning a trip!
Here is the newest from my readings.....
The Ragamuffin Gospel:
p. 111 ¨The conscious awareness of our resistance to grace and the refusal to allow God´s love to make us who we really are brings a sense of oppression. Our lives become fragmented, inconsistent, lacking in harmony and out of sync. The worm turns. The felt security of staying in a familiar place vanishes. We are caught between a rock and a hard place. How do we resolve this conundrum? We don´t. We cannot will ourselves to accept grace. There are no magic words, present formulas, or esoteric rites of passage. Only Jesus Christ sets us free from indecision. The scriptures offer no other basis for conversion than the personal magnetism of the Master.
p. 112 Ïn prayer, Jesus slows us down, teaches us to count how few days we have, and gifts us with wisdom. He reveals to us that we are so caught up in what is urgent that we have overlooked what is essential. He ends our indecision and liberates us from the oppression of false deadlines and myopic vision.¨
Just some thoughts from people who can say it better than I can. Thank you to everyone for your love and encouragement! Praying for you daily.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Paps
Give me blood, give me poop, give me wounds to dehicse, but don't ask me to do papsmears, please. Apparently its the job of the nurse in Guatemala to actually perform papsmears (I guess a cultural/societal thing), but today we have been doing the paps for the referrals from mobile clinics. Rosario taught me how to do them this morning, and since then, the pap patients have been trickling in here in there while I prepare towels/gowns/mayo covers for sterilzation. Its lunch time, but I think my appetite is gone......please let there be no more paps today!
Other than that, things are going well. On Monday, I forgot to write about the best part of the day. We had a little patient come in, Juan, only probably 6-7 months. He was seen 2 weeks ago by the plastics surgery team for a repair of a birth defect to his right hand. Best I can tell, he was born with webbed, stunted fingers so the plastic surgeons separated them, and he was just in for a check-up and wound cleaning. He moves his little fingers really well, and he was just smiling the whole time I was cleaning his hand. He was precious.
Things are going well with the family, getting a lot more comfortable and less formal as we get to know eachother. The Goonies plan didn't work out just right, but last night me, Jose (9) and Janet (21) watched the movie in spanish and the subtitles in english (since I can pretty much quote that movie anyways). They really liked it. Then, after dinner while I was reading/thinking/writing, the mom, dad, and grandma all came in and sat on the bed across from me to talk. It was really sweet. I needed so comforting time. I'm getting to know them better each day, and they are very excited about me getting to be here for one of the daughter's (Betty's) birthday on Sept 4 and Jose's school parade/tournament on the 15th adn 16th. Little by little I am getting more used to being here.
I have so very much to learn and to grow. But God is faithful. He brought me here for a reason, and He will not depart from me now that I am here. I am thankful for all the things I have been given, including the people in my life. Thank you for all the encouragement. Will write again soon.
Other than that, things are going well. On Monday, I forgot to write about the best part of the day. We had a little patient come in, Juan, only probably 6-7 months. He was seen 2 weeks ago by the plastics surgery team for a repair of a birth defect to his right hand. Best I can tell, he was born with webbed, stunted fingers so the plastic surgeons separated them, and he was just in for a check-up and wound cleaning. He moves his little fingers really well, and he was just smiling the whole time I was cleaning his hand. He was precious.
Things are going well with the family, getting a lot more comfortable and less formal as we get to know eachother. The Goonies plan didn't work out just right, but last night me, Jose (9) and Janet (21) watched the movie in spanish and the subtitles in english (since I can pretty much quote that movie anyways). They really liked it. Then, after dinner while I was reading/thinking/writing, the mom, dad, and grandma all came in and sat on the bed across from me to talk. It was really sweet. I needed so comforting time. I'm getting to know them better each day, and they are very excited about me getting to be here for one of the daughter's (Betty's) birthday on Sept 4 and Jose's school parade/tournament on the 15th adn 16th. Little by little I am getting more used to being here.
I have so very much to learn and to grow. But God is faithful. He brought me here for a reason, and He will not depart from me now that I am here. I am thankful for all the things I have been given, including the people in my life. Thank you for all the encouragement. Will write again soon.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Week One= Check
Feels like I have been here way longer than a week, but looking back I think week one went really well! Its a whole different lifestyle to get used to here. But the weekend was nice and relaxing. I got to sleep in until 8am on Sunday (they have church at night), and the fireworks at 5am barely woke me up that time! haha.
On Saturday night, I went to the Mejicanos´ house and had a great time visiting with them. The girls loved their baby shower gifts. One of the girls is 8months pregnant and joked about me birthing her child for her at home....at least I hope she was joking! Sometimes things get lost in translation like when yesterday I lost one of my skirts to one of the sisters. She leant me one of her skirts to wear to church, so I thought I would do the same...until it entered one of her drawers not to return! oh well! But, the corn mush has decreased and has been replaced by fresh strawberry juice, a great improvement!
Wow, did I digress. Ok, so Sunday was a good day. I helped the sisters cook....another thing that was lost in translation. As we were cooking, I was under the impression that we were cooking for the whole church when we were just cooking stuff to bring for our family at church. After church, the whole church ate dinner together and shared what each family brought. I am not really sure what all I ate because people kept handing me food.
Today at work went well. This morning, Rosario and I walked to a local school to set up some hygiene lessons for the end of September. They were very excited about it. Rosario asked what I thought we should teach, and I cringed as I felt myself say Sexual Education for the older kids. I am now that nurse, people. After that, I helped one of the nurse techs make packages of suture kits and surgical towels for sterilzation. Many many surgical towel packets. We are just getting ready for the surgical team coming soon.
Going to head back to the house soon. Skipping church tonight (they have church every night!) in hopes of watching The Goonies on my computer. I need some english time! Hope you all are well!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Grace
The Ragamuffin Gospel:
¨Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life...It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: Ýou are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted.´If that happens to us, we experience grace.¨p.28-29
Ït is mercy I desire and not sacrifice. I have come not to call the self-righteoous but sinners. ¨ Matthew 9:13
¨My grace is enough for you: my power is at its best in weakness.¨2 Cor 12:9
I am so surprised that God does not literally reach down from Heaven and swat my hands away. What little faith I have. God is trying to do great things in my life, in my heart, and in the heart and lives of ones I love, but I am like a little kid reaching up to try to help but all I do is get in the way of the hands of my Creator. God has given me this great opportunity to learn and grow, to serve and love, but all I can think about is how I will work things out once I get back to the states.
¨This job will work out when I.........¨
¨This relationship will work out if I....¨
Ï will be happier when I.....¨
Rather than sitting in silence, in contentment, my mind races. It´s always all about me. And I am tired of living that way. ¨Katie, My grace is sufficent.¨
He knows the desires of my heart. But He will not bestoy those desires until all my heart desires is Him. I´ve wasted so much time worrying and working for the next big thing. This summer, I tormented myself and my loved ones with my discontent over what I should do next. Even here in Guatemala, with this awesome experience before me, I can´t help but think forward to what I want to do next. But the only thing I should want for is the faith that just in today, I will live just. ¨Katie, My grace is sufficent. ¨
What pride I have....what a feeling of deserving. In reality, the cost for what I deserve has been paid. This grace.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
You may just be wanting to hear what is actually going on here in Guatemala. So, I will get out of contemplative mode for a moment, if you want to hear some lightening stories.
Ok, so last time I came to Guatemala, I must have been a lot tougher or something, because the adventure of eating unknown forms of meat or bathing out of a bucket just doesn´t have the same appeal for me as it did 3 years ago! You know, I thought I was an outdoorsy type of person but the idea of sitting in air conditioning and watching a movie looks wonderful right now. So, as I have been prideful about feeling like I was better or more adventurous for wanting to be outside, I ask for forgiveness, please.
The houses here are build right on top of each other, all open to air so you can hear anything and everything. Last night I finally slept some because I asked one of the sisters to sleep in the room with me. I have been so scared at night. Some kind of animal has been eating the trash outside my window at night, and it takes everything in me to imagine its just some little cat rather than some wild, ravenous dog. Then, the night before last night, my flashlight broke in the middle of the night (which I turn on about 5 times a night) and I don´t think I have ever been more afraid...turns out it was just a giant cockroach, big enough to make noises as it scurried along the ground! So, if in a foreign country, always sleep with 2 flashlights beside your bed!
I haven´t had a shower since last Monday. I don´t really know why, but the family´s shower is broken so I have been bathing out of a 5 gallon bucket! I´ve gotten really good at using only half the bucket......surprisingly, I haven´t noticed myself smelling. But, that may be a different case if one of you smelled me right now.
Oh, and never tell a host family you like a certain drink just to be nice if you don´t really like it. I have been having to drink mushed up corn juice every meal for the last week because the first night I said it was so good. Mistake!
But, besides those laughable things, my time with this family is going great. I stand corrected about the number of children they have. I finally got it squared away. I kept meeting new sisters in the house that seemed to just come out of the woodwork.....there are 7 sisters and 1 little brother in all. They are so very sweet. The grandma never stops smiling, but poor thing, I can´t understand a word she says! So, we just knod and smile at eachother and wash dishes together every night.
The clinic is going great too. The big thing this week was our day of pre-op appointments for more than 150 patients that are coming for the Gen-surgical and OBGYN-surgical week in September. I helped work the admission table where we took lab results, identification, and consent for treatment. It was really funny because the people would wait in line for one of three spots at the table to register, and I couldn´t tell if they people were excited or disappointed when they saw they came to my line because all I could hear was, Äh la gringa.¨
But, we saw all the patients by 4pm, and it was a very fullfilling day. My ´charge nurse,´Rosario, makes my assignments at the clinic, and she has made a great plan for my weeks at the clinic. One week, we are going into local schools to do teachings on hygiene for the kids. Every morning, we have a little devo time (the 5 of us ladies at the clinic), and I was nominated to lead it on Mondays, so we will see how my spanish does! Rosario asked me come with her to her house one weekend to spend time with her sister´s family and kids, so that should be a fun change. Later today, I am going to have a little party with my old family, the Mejicanos. Two of the daughters are pregnant (one of which, Karla, is who I got really close to last time) so I bought two baby shower gifts so I wouldn´t show up empty handed. I bought 2 packets of diapers, 2 bottles, and 2 baby hats which came out to 100Q which is about $15. That´s pretty expensive for stuff here because it was imported. If you buy stuff locally, its only about 1Q (1/8 of a dollar) for like 3 loaves of bread. Its 8Q or $1 for an hour and a half of computer time here at the internet cafe close to the house. Just a little comparison shopping if anyone is interested. I guess that´s all for now. How about you guys start a blog so I can read about you?
¨Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life...It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: Ýou are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted.´If that happens to us, we experience grace.¨p.28-29
Ït is mercy I desire and not sacrifice. I have come not to call the self-righteoous but sinners. ¨ Matthew 9:13
¨My grace is enough for you: my power is at its best in weakness.¨2 Cor 12:9
I am so surprised that God does not literally reach down from Heaven and swat my hands away. What little faith I have. God is trying to do great things in my life, in my heart, and in the heart and lives of ones I love, but I am like a little kid reaching up to try to help but all I do is get in the way of the hands of my Creator. God has given me this great opportunity to learn and grow, to serve and love, but all I can think about is how I will work things out once I get back to the states.
¨This job will work out when I.........¨
¨This relationship will work out if I....¨
Ï will be happier when I.....¨
Rather than sitting in silence, in contentment, my mind races. It´s always all about me. And I am tired of living that way. ¨Katie, My grace is sufficent.¨
He knows the desires of my heart. But He will not bestoy those desires until all my heart desires is Him. I´ve wasted so much time worrying and working for the next big thing. This summer, I tormented myself and my loved ones with my discontent over what I should do next. Even here in Guatemala, with this awesome experience before me, I can´t help but think forward to what I want to do next. But the only thing I should want for is the faith that just in today, I will live just. ¨Katie, My grace is sufficent. ¨
What pride I have....what a feeling of deserving. In reality, the cost for what I deserve has been paid. This grace.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
You may just be wanting to hear what is actually going on here in Guatemala. So, I will get out of contemplative mode for a moment, if you want to hear some lightening stories.
Ok, so last time I came to Guatemala, I must have been a lot tougher or something, because the adventure of eating unknown forms of meat or bathing out of a bucket just doesn´t have the same appeal for me as it did 3 years ago! You know, I thought I was an outdoorsy type of person but the idea of sitting in air conditioning and watching a movie looks wonderful right now. So, as I have been prideful about feeling like I was better or more adventurous for wanting to be outside, I ask for forgiveness, please.
The houses here are build right on top of each other, all open to air so you can hear anything and everything. Last night I finally slept some because I asked one of the sisters to sleep in the room with me. I have been so scared at night. Some kind of animal has been eating the trash outside my window at night, and it takes everything in me to imagine its just some little cat rather than some wild, ravenous dog. Then, the night before last night, my flashlight broke in the middle of the night (which I turn on about 5 times a night) and I don´t think I have ever been more afraid...turns out it was just a giant cockroach, big enough to make noises as it scurried along the ground! So, if in a foreign country, always sleep with 2 flashlights beside your bed!
I haven´t had a shower since last Monday. I don´t really know why, but the family´s shower is broken so I have been bathing out of a 5 gallon bucket! I´ve gotten really good at using only half the bucket......surprisingly, I haven´t noticed myself smelling. But, that may be a different case if one of you smelled me right now.
Oh, and never tell a host family you like a certain drink just to be nice if you don´t really like it. I have been having to drink mushed up corn juice every meal for the last week because the first night I said it was so good. Mistake!
But, besides those laughable things, my time with this family is going great. I stand corrected about the number of children they have. I finally got it squared away. I kept meeting new sisters in the house that seemed to just come out of the woodwork.....there are 7 sisters and 1 little brother in all. They are so very sweet. The grandma never stops smiling, but poor thing, I can´t understand a word she says! So, we just knod and smile at eachother and wash dishes together every night.
The clinic is going great too. The big thing this week was our day of pre-op appointments for more than 150 patients that are coming for the Gen-surgical and OBGYN-surgical week in September. I helped work the admission table where we took lab results, identification, and consent for treatment. It was really funny because the people would wait in line for one of three spots at the table to register, and I couldn´t tell if they people were excited or disappointed when they saw they came to my line because all I could hear was, Äh la gringa.¨
But, we saw all the patients by 4pm, and it was a very fullfilling day. My ´charge nurse,´Rosario, makes my assignments at the clinic, and she has made a great plan for my weeks at the clinic. One week, we are going into local schools to do teachings on hygiene for the kids. Every morning, we have a little devo time (the 5 of us ladies at the clinic), and I was nominated to lead it on Mondays, so we will see how my spanish does! Rosario asked me come with her to her house one weekend to spend time with her sister´s family and kids, so that should be a fun change. Later today, I am going to have a little party with my old family, the Mejicanos. Two of the daughters are pregnant (one of which, Karla, is who I got really close to last time) so I bought two baby shower gifts so I wouldn´t show up empty handed. I bought 2 packets of diapers, 2 bottles, and 2 baby hats which came out to 100Q which is about $15. That´s pretty expensive for stuff here because it was imported. If you buy stuff locally, its only about 1Q (1/8 of a dollar) for like 3 loaves of bread. Its 8Q or $1 for an hour and a half of computer time here at the internet cafe close to the house. Just a little comparison shopping if anyone is interested. I guess that´s all for now. How about you guys start a blog so I can read about you?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Posting
My mom said that she couldn't post any comments, and I tried to change some of the settings in case that was causing it. Sorry if anybody else tried to comment and it wouldn't work! :(
It's a home sick day....why didn't anyone tell me how long 2 months was....oh wait, you tried, but I'm too stuborn to listen! It will be okay, I just have a little hump to get over.
Can't write much today because it's time to get back to work.....sorting more than 3000 capsules of amoxicillin into little bags of 21 each. Quick do the math, how many bags is that? .....answer 145. I'm really enjoying the nurses I am working with at the clinic. A very sweet group of ladies. They are teaching me a lot. I hope everyone is doing well at home today and that you all have a wonderful day. Its almost Friday!
It's a home sick day....why didn't anyone tell me how long 2 months was....oh wait, you tried, but I'm too stuborn to listen! It will be okay, I just have a little hump to get over.
Can't write much today because it's time to get back to work.....sorting more than 3000 capsules of amoxicillin into little bags of 21 each. Quick do the math, how many bags is that? .....answer 145. I'm really enjoying the nurses I am working with at the clinic. A very sweet group of ladies. They are teaching me a lot. I hope everyone is doing well at home today and that you all have a wonderful day. Its almost Friday!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Ouch
So, I'm realizing more and more everyday how wrong I am about everything. I need these people and to be here way more than they need me. I've tried so hard to be perfect my whole life as well as in all of my strivings that I have allowed myself to be crippled in fear. Fear of the wrong choice. Fear of failure. Fear of success even. Fear of my losing control. Funny thing is I never had control to begin with. I only thought I did. So now, nearly everything is out of my control. I have no control over driving myself to/from anywhere, no control over what I eat (unless I want to be really rude to my host family), no control over when/if I want to check facebook :), no control over when/if I talk to people back home, no control over when/if the shower is going to work....no control over any of the things I strived so hard at to keep my finger on so that I wouldn't realize just how much I am lacking in myself. But I am lacking, and that is why I am so thankful that I have a Savior who is not.
Just this morning, I was eating breakfast with one of the host sisters (spaghetti with ketchup sauce and refried black beans) and she asked me how I slept. I tried so hard to explain to her I didn't sleep well, not for bad accomodations, but because my worrying kept me awake. Try explaining to a 15yr old in a little village in Guatemala what there is that I have to worry about. Nothing. I am learning by such an example as my host family what it means just to get up each day and live. Live in faith, in love, and in hope.
My host family is very sweet. Its a family of 7 children (6 girls and one little boy). 2 of the girls have moved out and gotten married, but the oldest in the house is 24yrs old like me. And guess what she does.....well, besides helping out selling and making bread, she is a nurse and a school teacher. Everyday at 4:30am, the entire family (and me grudgingly :) gets up and they take their bread to all the little stores in the village to sell. Then, after breakfast, one by one they each go to their different activities, whether school for the younger ones or other jobs for the eldest. And they just love each other. And they walk in faith knowing that God is in control. They are thankful that they have their father still who just underwent a kidney transplant, donated from one of his daughters. Just thankful. I want to live that way. I want to know that kind of faith and love. Hopefully one day I will, and for now I am trying to grow little by little.
Today is my first day at the clinic, and I'm on lunch break. (bologna sandwich with ketchup and american cheese! haha!) The clinic ladies are so sweet, and my supervising nurse is awesome (Rosario, all of 4ft tall) I felt like a giant among them in the prayer circle this morning. Today I am making 100 charts for the surgical patients that will be here in the first week of September for a team of surgeons from home. So my question is, does that make me one of the Guatemalan nurses or American? Hmmm. Will write more soon. So thankful for everyone and praying for your safety and hearts.
Just this morning, I was eating breakfast with one of the host sisters (spaghetti with ketchup sauce and refried black beans) and she asked me how I slept. I tried so hard to explain to her I didn't sleep well, not for bad accomodations, but because my worrying kept me awake. Try explaining to a 15yr old in a little village in Guatemala what there is that I have to worry about. Nothing. I am learning by such an example as my host family what it means just to get up each day and live. Live in faith, in love, and in hope.
My host family is very sweet. Its a family of 7 children (6 girls and one little boy). 2 of the girls have moved out and gotten married, but the oldest in the house is 24yrs old like me. And guess what she does.....well, besides helping out selling and making bread, she is a nurse and a school teacher. Everyday at 4:30am, the entire family (and me grudgingly :) gets up and they take their bread to all the little stores in the village to sell. Then, after breakfast, one by one they each go to their different activities, whether school for the younger ones or other jobs for the eldest. And they just love each other. And they walk in faith knowing that God is in control. They are thankful that they have their father still who just underwent a kidney transplant, donated from one of his daughters. Just thankful. I want to live that way. I want to know that kind of faith and love. Hopefully one day I will, and for now I am trying to grow little by little.
Today is my first day at the clinic, and I'm on lunch break. (bologna sandwich with ketchup and american cheese! haha!) The clinic ladies are so sweet, and my supervising nurse is awesome (Rosario, all of 4ft tall) I felt like a giant among them in the prayer circle this morning. Today I am making 100 charts for the surgical patients that will be here in the first week of September for a team of surgeons from home. So my question is, does that make me one of the Guatemalan nurses or American? Hmmm. Will write more soon. So thankful for everyone and praying for your safety and hearts.
Monday, August 17, 2009
I got punk'd
Yesterday was unbelievable. I like how in my last message, I confidently laid out my travel plans as a mere matter of fact about my transportation to Guatemala. Funny thing is that nothing happened the way I said it would yesterday! Isn’t that how it always is? We set out with a plan from figurative point A to point B because realistically that is the most logistic and thought out route. Right? Wrong. We have no omnipotent control over what happens in our lives. Yes we have free will but that doesn’t mean things won’t happen outside our control to land you in a totally different spot than you had pictured. But, the hope in all this is that the new place in which you land will to be far more beautiful than the place you had imagined. What kind of God would we serve if that wasn’t truth?
So, I am learning more and more that I just have to walk out on the water in faith rather than remain controlled by fear in the boat. Here is a quote from one of the books I brought: The G.I.F.T. by Max Lucado:
“Faith is not born at the negotiating table where we barter our gifts in exchange for God’s goodness. Faith is not an award given to the most learned. It’s not a prize given to the most disciplined. It’s not a tithe bequeathed to the most religious. Faith is a desperate dive out of the sinking boat of human effort and a prayer that God will be there to pull us out of the water.”
So, yesterday when I was feeling like I got punk’d over and over again, I had to keep telling myself that all things happen for a reason. In faith, I can know that in all things there is a specific season, purpose, and reason.
Just for kicks, want to know the details of what happened yesterday?! Well, mom, Jessie, and I drove to the Knoxville airport to send me off, but for some reason the automatic kiosk wasn’t working for my ticket. Why you ask? Probably has something to do with the fact that my ticket was out of Nashville! (My friend who bought the ticket forgot that I wanted to fly out of Knoxville, and I didn’t even notice that whole different city thing.) Ya, don’t know how I overlooked that one. Well, after rescheduling to a later flight, Jessie and I jumped in the car and drove Amazing Race style to Nashville where I made it through security and to my gate with plenty of time. Everything looked good. We boarded that plane on time, had a great seat, but then they decided they had to change out the whole braking system so we were delayed 2 hours. I landed in Houston when my plane to Guate started boarding…..3 concources away! So, after a mad dash (I am grossly out of shape even without the 30lbs of luggage strapped to my body), I made it just in time. Funny thing was that the easiest part of the traveling was getting through the Guate airport, finding a shuttle to my hotel, and checking in the hotel…where I barely spoke the language. At least it makes for a good story….and some really good lessons for my heart. So now I’m just relaxing at the clinic. My supervisor just wanted me to take the day to rest a bit. I will go to my host family either tonight or in the morning, and I will let you know how it goes. I’ve heard it’s a house full of sisters whose family runs a bakery. This could be dangerous.
So, I am learning more and more that I just have to walk out on the water in faith rather than remain controlled by fear in the boat. Here is a quote from one of the books I brought: The G.I.F.T. by Max Lucado:
“Faith is not born at the negotiating table where we barter our gifts in exchange for God’s goodness. Faith is not an award given to the most learned. It’s not a prize given to the most disciplined. It’s not a tithe bequeathed to the most religious. Faith is a desperate dive out of the sinking boat of human effort and a prayer that God will be there to pull us out of the water.”
So, yesterday when I was feeling like I got punk’d over and over again, I had to keep telling myself that all things happen for a reason. In faith, I can know that in all things there is a specific season, purpose, and reason.
Just for kicks, want to know the details of what happened yesterday?! Well, mom, Jessie, and I drove to the Knoxville airport to send me off, but for some reason the automatic kiosk wasn’t working for my ticket. Why you ask? Probably has something to do with the fact that my ticket was out of Nashville! (My friend who bought the ticket forgot that I wanted to fly out of Knoxville, and I didn’t even notice that whole different city thing.) Ya, don’t know how I overlooked that one. Well, after rescheduling to a later flight, Jessie and I jumped in the car and drove Amazing Race style to Nashville where I made it through security and to my gate with plenty of time. Everything looked good. We boarded that plane on time, had a great seat, but then they decided they had to change out the whole braking system so we were delayed 2 hours. I landed in Houston when my plane to Guate started boarding…..3 concources away! So, after a mad dash (I am grossly out of shape even without the 30lbs of luggage strapped to my body), I made it just in time. Funny thing was that the easiest part of the traveling was getting through the Guate airport, finding a shuttle to my hotel, and checking in the hotel…where I barely spoke the language. At least it makes for a good story….and some really good lessons for my heart. So now I’m just relaxing at the clinic. My supervisor just wanted me to take the day to rest a bit. I will go to my host family either tonight or in the morning, and I will let you know how it goes. I’ve heard it’s a house full of sisters whose family runs a bakery. This could be dangerous.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
T-minus 20 hours
It's finally arrived! My flight goes out tomorrow, Sunday, at 12:25pm from Knoxville, TN. I have about a 5 hour layover in Houston then it's on to Guatemala City. I will arrive in Guatemala City at about 9:15pm and stay at the Biltmore hotel for the night. In the morning, Dr. Walter Sierra with Health Talents International will pick me up at 5:30am to drive into the little area of Montellano where the clinic and village are that I will be staying and working in. Yikes! Seems a little daunting!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Guatemala Bound August 16th- October 17th
This August, I will be heading to Guatemala with Health Talents International as a medical mission intern! I have been an RN for a little more than 2 years, and I just finished up a stint at Vanderbilt in Nashville. My passion has always been to participate in missions ever since my first mission trip to Guyana, South America, when I was 15. During nursing school, I spent 5 weeks in Guatemala as part of the Medical Evangelism Training program, and I loved every minute of it. I'm now 24 years old and excited for this opportunity to serve in Guatemala again. Whether this is the start of a career in medical missions or just part of His legacy for me as the Hands of the Great Physician, I rest in knowing that the Lord has everything under control!
Thank you to all my loved ones and support. This blog is for you to follow the Guatemalan adventure....and let me know what is going on back home! Special thank you to Bowie Church of Christ for being my sponsoring congregation!
Thank you to all my loved ones and support. This blog is for you to follow the Guatemalan adventure....and let me know what is going on back home! Special thank you to Bowie Church of Christ for being my sponsoring congregation!
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