Places frequented

Sometimes I feel like a total nut case when I read back over past writings or things I have thought. It seems like I am so up and down sometimes.....not in a bipolar sort of way.....just one minute I will feel so secure and firmly rooted in Christ that the day to day troubles are only a pebble, but the next minute, I feel so secluded, so far from Peace that the day to day happenings are a huge mountain in front of me.

I became a "Christian" in the baptismal, ask Jesus into my heart sort of way back when I was in 8th grade in March of 1999. Since then, I have displayed varying shades of dedication to following, and looking back, I think that a lot of those times of less lukewarm devotion were due in part to frequenting places He is. Now, I know that He is all around, in everything, everywhere, there is no where that He can be kept out of. However, by intentionally frequenting places and things that He is and moves, I know that I will feel Him more. In younger days, it was my youth group where I was surrounded by teenagers looking for identity, searching for community, and we found that in each other and Christ. Since then, I have had glimpses of that closeness, whether it be in a loving roommate, my time in Guatemala, my mom, even in my own bedroom when everything else is spinning out of control and He comes in. However, there are many things that have blocked me from fully being engulfed in His presence (Satan is the mastermind of this all). I want to be engulfed in knowing that my life is new and changed and forever claimed.
I want to start new. I want to be where He is. I want to go into work at the hospital and know that as my hands touch my patient, I am the hands of the Great Physician. I want to constantly be thinking of Jesus Christ. I want to know and love Him. I want to cry out to Him not just when I feel a need but with every breath, every thought. I want to radiate His love and grace because it is so much known in my soul that it beams out.
I claim that I am forgiven; grace has been poured out on me and I am that old person no longer.
I claim that He makes all things new and works in all my life's situations.
I claim that He has a plan and takes all my garbage and makes it to His glory.
I claim that He overcomes my anger and fear and frustration.
I claim that He is bigger than everything.
I claim that He dries my tears, holds my hand, and leads me beside still waters.
I claim that He loves me inspite and because of myself.
I claim that Satan has no place here.
I claim that He has and will overcome.